French Music, Rainy Days, and a Goose.

 

Such a great pic right? 

I wish I had taken it. 

I had actually taken four different pictures of one pretty cranky goose that day.

A couple of days after our visit to the marina, my nifty Google photos app alerted me to some new activity. Apparently, that kind of creepy digital "assistant" of mine turned my four pics into this really cool panoramic image and left me wishing this was really what I had captured that day. 

Sad to say, this actually happens to me quite a bit: not the digital assistant pics, but the deflated expectations. Boo. 

To say I have a vivid imagination would be a massive understatement. 

When I concoct a plan, I can see, hear, and smell EVERYTHING about the experience I hope to have before we ever arrive. The problem with this is that I get uber excited in the wait and if reality does not match what my imagination has conjured I end up rather disappointed. 

And that's kind of the direction our dates went for this month. 

April was my month for date planning. Our "cheap" date was going to be a jaunt around an incredible farmer's/craft market and our "big" date was to be golf with a phenomenal dinner afterward...and Jason was going to super impressed and in awe of my all of my amazing plans. 

It kind of happened that way and it kind of didn't. 

Don't get me wrong. Both dates turned out to be all around "good days", but the cheap one did not happen due to schedule conflicts and instead became a coffee date and the golf date, well...

Let's just say that although the weather was great and the course was beautiful, maybe the hubs did not have his best golf game and was feeling a little frustrated.

Maybe. 

We're lucky that ball didn't roll right off of that retaining wall and take him with it...

And maybe the marina we went to was absolutely gorgeous and maybe we will try another restaurant next time. 

By the end of the date, I was feeling pretty deflated and declaring that I will no longer be planning our dates and that he will take charge EVERY month. 

And in his amazing wisdom, he reminded me that being open to adventure sometimes means making room for disappointment and being okay with things not always turning out the way we hoped. 

We have just started this life of intentional adventure. 

We are in the midst of planning our very first real vacation together right now and have a massive list of places we want to go and things we want to see beyond this first trip. 

And if we go into this life without the flexibility to allow for things to not always look the way we imagine, we may not enjoy this very much. 

But, if we remember the goal is to experience new things together, enjoy each other's company and take the right attitude with us we will always have a great time.

Yes, we can have some semblance of what we would like to see and do, but we can't allow our expectations to hold us prisoner and thereby rob us of the experience if things do not always go as planned. 

Honestly, I had a tough time even knowing where to start with this blog this week. But, upon reflecting on J's great advice, I decided to reframe my approach. So, I sat down, stared out at the rain for a bit, turned on some great French music and decided to lay down my expectations of what I thought it should be in lieu of just sharing my own experience with you and I'm kind of happy about it.

"Trade your expectation for appreciation and the world changes for you."

~Anthony Robbins

What's the Purpose?

That is a good looking group right there....a good looking group with a ton of purpose.

Friday night, we were invited to attend a fundraiser for a pair of ministries that were introduced to us roughly a year ago. What you see here is a group of individuals who are involved in one or both of those ministries on some level. 

Our relationship with The Significant Marriage began when the Chapmans (second from the right) gifted us with an opportunity to attend a weekend workshop that changed the way we approach our marriage. 

For the first time in our 20 years of marriage, we walked away from a marriage seminar that not only provided good teaching but also gave us a toolkit of resources that we have been able to revisit over and over again.

It is because of that seminar that you are reading this blog today.

Dave and Mary Gothi's (the man with the awesome red shoes on the left and the blonde with the braid on the right) vision for this seminar is to provide couples with the resources they need to align themselves together and discover their God-given purpose as a couple and thereby strengthen their marriages and families. 

This "keep your eye on the prize" approach takes couples from being reactive in their lives and marriages to being proactive.

In that one short weekend together, J and I had conversations that we have not had in our 20 plus years as a couple. We learned to ask questions we have never asked and put words to our hopes and dreams in a way that we have not done before. As the weekend concluded, we were given the opportunity to take all of those conversations and answers and formulate them into a workable plan with goals and action steps.

This plan and approach have completely redefined the way we interact and tackle challenges in our marriage. 

And...it has given birth to some pretty amazing changes in our lives.

Married Twice and Living Life was not on our radar at all a year ago, but a dream to travel was. 

Having a blog, Instagram account, and Facebook page for this thing we are doing was not something we ever dreamed about, but boosting my writing skills was. 

Sharing our story in such a public manner was not something we really ever considered, but helping others avoid divorce and find hope after devastation has been near to our hearts for years.

Through identifying our dreams and attaching them to goals, we have seen the evolution of an idea that has helped us identify our purpose as a couple:

To show that there is hope for broken marriages and that no matter what your past is or where you are in life, you can still dream and live a life full of joy and purpose. 

Our heart is to use our story to put the goodness and faithfulness of God on display, to show that forgiveness and healing are possible, and to show that it is never too late to start really living life. 

And...we might not know any of this had it not been for what The Significant Marriage offered.

So, almost a year later, we spent a couple hours in a coffee shop on Saturday and took the first steps in booking and planning our very first real vacation together in almost 21 years of marriage. 

TSM taught us how to put feet to our dreams and we will celebrate our anniversary together this year kayaking, canoeing, or whitewater rafting in Colorado (we're still debating, I mean discussing those options).  

But even better than the trip, we learned how to identify our purpose as a couple.

We now know that we have so much more to do in life than work, pay the bills, raise our kids and grow old. We have a responsibility to use our story and our dreams to bring hope to those who wonder if it is even possible and living out this purpose has brought more joy and direction and unity into our lives than we have had in years. 

The best advice we can give to you is to find your purpose as a couple no matter what stage of life you are in. Doing so unites you in a way that is unmatched and changes the way you approach every other facet of marriage.

To learn more about the Gothi's and The Significant Marriage visit http://www.thesignificantmarriage.com/.

And....

To learn more about Sunshine Kids International visit http://www.sunshinekidsintl.com/. 

(And...SKI is why India has been added to our travel plan for the future). 

Who You Spend Time With Matters

I had no idea these beauties existed somewhere on this earth...like none. They look like something from a sci-fi movie and up close and in person, they are truly exquisite. This is pure color, no filters, and I am just astounded by them. 

And...I knew their name for like a millisecond because of my sweet friend who so graciously responded when I asked her for the millionth time, "Ooooooohhhh, what's this?"

In fact, that was our exchange the majority of the time we were in the wholesaler's market. Everywhere I turned I saw colors and textures I did not know existed in the world of flowers and felt like I did as a kid the very first time I went to Sea World.

We all have our things okay?

Everything about my outing with her that day was an adventure...including navigating the warehouse district in downtown Dallas while completely lost. All while our husbands spent time together taking on the world with their laser focused, single-minded, let's forge ahead brains. 

Every time we leave their presence we take some kind of new knowledge with us. They are always teaching without even realizing it. 

And at the end of the day, Jason and I drove home with full hearts knowing we are better people because of them.

And then there was Saturday night when we sat through an amazing class taught by our even more amazing friend on one of our favorite subjects: using our strengths in marriage. 

The class was insightful and full of activities that challenged us to identify and acknowledge what the other does well and be vulnerable with each other about our needs. 

Finishing off the evening with dinner with her and her husband was a huge added bonus. We couldn't have asked for better conversation that challenged us and spurred us on to do more and be more. The way they view people and relationships is inspiring and sets a model that we want to emulate in our own lives.

When we finally settled in that night,  J and I decided we are incredibly blessed by the people we get to do life with and knew without a shadow of a doubt they make us better people.

 

And then the other night I was a good hour into my evening hike when I remembered a picture of myself I had seen earlier that day. Although I am laughing and smiling (I was with my sister...we do that a lot together), I was actually a very insecure and anxious person with a lot of broken pieces. 

Reflecting on that picture and comparing the woman I used to be to who I am now,  just blew me away. Two years ago, I could not have imagined knocking out 5-mile evening hikes ALL BY MYSELF on the regular or hitting spin classes as many times a week as I can get them in. 

I am not the same person. Actually, we are not the same people. 

And again, God used people to help fuel those changes. A good portion of the hike was spent thinking about our friends Dy Ann and Michael who led J and me to this lifestyle that changed our health for the better. Because of our relationship with them, I am 60 pounds lighter and Jason and I both are the healthiest we have ever been. 

During the rest of my hike, I reflected on this past year and all the ways we are better people because God brought them into our lives. 

Three different couples, three super impactful friendships that are actively shaping our daily choices and leading us down a road we could not have imagined just two short years ago. 

We have been so very blessed to have the Lord surround us with amazing people throughout our lives during various seasons. We have been challenged, loved on, led and carried sometimes, but the key has been to let them in. 

What we learn from our friends is priceless. God uses them and their unique gifts and abilities to teach us and grow the qualities in us He wants to use to complete his purpose. And...hopefully, they get something in return. 

We sure do love them all.

"Who you spend time with is who you become. If you want to master your life, it is important that you surround yourself with people who inspire you to achieve greatness."
~Stefan James

Being intentional about your marriage is not limited to scheduling date nights and good communication. Who you choose to surround yourself with can either strengthen or weaken your relationship as a couple. 

Be mindful of those who have influence in your lives, you will be amazed at how God can use them to make you a better version of YOU. 

Everything is the Best.

This morning's hike had me like....sighhhhhhh.

I froze when I turned the corner and saw this view in front of me. It was the perfect mixture of the last remnants of winter and the new life of spring smothered in exquisite morning light. 

I literally caught myself saying, "Morning light is just the best."

And then I remembered a fabulous sunset picture I caught two weeks ago when I said the exact same thing about evening light. And my mind went spiraling down the list of contradictory bests I espouse during different seasons and times of the year. 

Spring is my favorite until Autumn. Rainy, cold weather gets me going, but then I get desperate for warm and sunny patio weather and that's only until I am ready for a snowfall (yes, I know, it's Texas and those are like unicorns here). 

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, but so is Easter, then, of course, there is Christmas and I really do love Memorial Day. 

The list goes on and on of all my favorites and how they completely contradict each other. 

But then, like He always does, the Holy Spirit interrupted this fascinating dialogue I was having with myself about what a what a complete mess I am. This conversation may have been occurring out loud in the middle of the woods...or maybe not.

You know, it's whatever. 

I guess before I could really go down that hole all by myself He decided to set the record straight and interjected with:

"Well, if I created it all, then Everything is the Best."

Touche´.

And that was that. I can call everything the best because I believe He created it and if He looked at creation at the end of the 6th day and declared it all good, then well, I guess it really is.

We are the ones who assign preferences and favorites that are so often tied to memories and experiences, not Him. 

In Ecclesiastes, we are reminded that there is a time and a season for everything and that He has made everything beautiful in its time. 

If that is true, then I am golden...and not officially crazy. 

So this past weekend, Everything was the Best.

The surprise getaway with my love (who won date month by the way) that included all the coffee, a little shopping, a little cappuccino from a revisit to Edith's, some chill time with The Office...and more coffee.

There was also more laughing than should probably be allowed as we realized two things: 

1) We are absolutely not hip enough to pull off the new trends in jeans we found in one of the stores in Dallas.

(Yes, they are actually made inside out...on purpose) 

and 

2) We are too old to learn how to take a perfect selfie.

This was one of literally over 40 (we learned that there was a burst option on our phones...who knew and how do you turn it off???). 

So, yeah the 24 hours spent alone together was the best. 

Until Saturday, when we met the boys for a movie, church, and then dinner. These outings include our oldest being hit on by every cute waitress that comes our way and enduring dinner topics that include "So, who would you say fits the Holy Trinity of Business Moguls?" 

Yes, this was a real question posed by the oldest and quickly answered by the youngest. They then spent the next fifteen minutes debating the qualifications, validating their suggestions and settled on Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, and Bill Gates (but he barely made the cut). 

Jason and I don't really participate in our boys' constant convos about politics, economics, and other such topics unless a bit of parental guidance is needed (i.e.: Remember guys, be nice. Act like people who really love Jesus, okay?).

Every day, we are utterly amazed at the brilliance these boys exhibit and wonder how and why God gave us children that are so much smarter than we are.

Then that was the best. 

Until Sunday....Didn't I mention Easter is my favorite? 

I LOVE EASTER. 

I love all it represents. I love the feeling of peace and victory that beautifully intertwine and fill the atmosphere on Easter Sunday Morning. I love the uncontainable joy that wakes me in the morning and the feeling of rebirth that surrounds the day.

And on this Easter morning when we woke up a little late, it was cloudy, damp, and cold, and someone I love with a beard woke up in a funk, I had to fight to remember it was EASTER and it is my FAVORITE.

It helped when we arrived at my parents and these cuties celebrating their first full year of marriage were there....

Yes, in matching shirts. Yes, it was April Fool's Day too. No, they weren't being ironic.

They celebrated one year of a miraculous marriage on the day we celebrated the Resurrection and that's kind of amazing.

The day was filled with laughter, my whole family together, baby chickens, target practice (on hay bales, not chickens), long awaited for grilled ribs, and lots and lots of pictures. 

And in amongst all of these things, even though the sun never came out and it never warmed up and my favorite bearded guy struggled to feel his best, it was a pretty good day.

No, it wasn't what I was hoping for...my heart is so tied to J's that I physically hurt when he is having a rough day, but if God created it all and said everything is beautiful in its time, then I guess it was the best too. 

Adventures are kind of funny that way, no two are really the same. Some have all positive experiences, some have a mix, and even some have none, but if there is a season for everything and the Creator's stamp of approval is on it, then it can all be the best...

And we don't have to pick a favorite. 

Sometimes it's Just Not Pretty, but it's Still Good.

Some days don't really feel the best. 

Like yesterday when I was in the same pajamas for 24 hours plus, running on two hours of sleep, moving around as though I'm 95 and smelling like mentholatum. 

For real.

I pulled my back out in my attempt at proving something to a body pump coach. Yep, that worked in my favor.

Or like last week when J & I thought we were ready to make a change with one of our cars in order to cut some money from our outgoing monthly payments....and all 3 different efforts were shut down.

Or like when we took our youngest son to dinner Saturday night and he complained THE WHOLE TIME. 

He criticized everything from the temperature of the food, to the music in the restaurant, to the construction of the tables and chairs, to the fact that a family with toddlers was seated beside us. What was intended to be a nice family dinner after church turned into a marathon effort to count down the seconds until dinner ended where he finally said, "Well, don't bring me back here again. Okay?"

Done, Son. Done.

Or finally, like when we excitedly revisited a nature preserve we have been waiting months to hike, and less than an hour in, decided it was not for us. A one-foot wide trail covered in overgrowth, Texas-sized mosquitos and thorny branches that left their marks on the backs of our legs, helped us realize that part of our hiking journey needs to be better understanding the topography of the area we are hiking and make sure we are adequately prepared for it.

So you could say it was a week of lessons learned. It could have been a week of defeat if we chose to see it that way.

Well actually, for one of us it kind of was, but I won't front myself out like that...

Being a creative type, I get wrapped up in feelings very quickly and find myself in the throes of extreme emotions.

And during my fits, my J is getting better and better at reminding me that just because we don't win at everything, doesn't necessarily mean we are losing. I don't always buy it, but deep down I know he's right.

That's what this living life part of married twice looks like sometimes. It's not always about all of the fun and the adventure. Really living life comes from facing down the hard, the difficult, the inconvenient and the disappointing and continuing to realize one incredible truth:

Life can be hard and good all at the same time.

I can be frustrated because my day was completely turned upside down by a bad back yesterday, but I can celebrate the fact that I have amazing friends who offer to pray for me, bring me things I need, and give me great advice.

I can be disappointed because we feel like we have worked so very hard to overcome the financial challenges of last year only to still be turned down when we try to make decisions that we feel would bring us progress, or I can celebrate because we now know what decisions we need to make to get what we want in the future.

I can feel beat up by those characteristics that our son possesses that sometimes feel as though he will always be "hard" to be around, or I can relish in the fact that when we pointed out the constant negativity, he quickly added in, "But thank you for taking me to dinner. I did like my chicken." 

I LOVE THAT KID. 

(I did get his permission to tell this story..he says he's not negative, he's just particular. That's true too.)

And finally, I can feel let down by the fact that a place we waited months to hike turned out to be a total bust for us or enjoy how J and I were on the same page very quickly and decided that we want to stay away from certain landscapes when we hike.

Sunday evening was spent reflecting on the week and the things that just did not work out the way we had hoped for and watching The Intern.

This fantastic movie about a successful young wife/mother/entrepreneur facing the challenges of a growing company and a struggling marriage reminded me that hard things in life do not take away from the good things in life.

The roadblocks and losses don't define our lives as bad. If anything, they highlight the good things and remind us that for every loss, there is a win if we just look for it and if we are willing to fight for it.

So, yeah...I absolutely was not the picture of pretty yesterday. But, my husband came home from work at six in the morning only to spend the next hour getting my medicine, water, and rubbing my back until I fell asleep before he even tried to go to bed. I did miss my morning workout, but I had time to slow down and read some things that I felt like the Lord wanted me to read. One of my friends offered to bring medicine to me if I needed it, another sent some scripture to encourage me and another gave some good advice as to how to recover. So all in all, it wasn't that bad of a day. 

Life is hard sometimes, but it really can be oh so very good too. 

Married Twice and Living Life

Me and my best guy.

I won't repeat the whole story today. Short version; it's been one long and semi-treacherous road and we now want to make the most of every day ahead instead of constantly living in fear. We've also come to a place where we see the value in sharing the goodness of the amazing things God has done in our marriage and want nothing more than to pass that hope on to others.

This being the case, and after taking wise advice from mentors and friends, we've decided to change the name of our blog to better represent who we are and where we are going. 

So, welcome to Married Twice and Living Life. 

Our journey has led us to see that our 20's were where we first glimpsed the miraculous power of God through his healing and restoration of our marriage, our 30's were focused on growth and learning to let go of old belief systems and adopting the truth of who God really is to us, and moving forward we are focused on centering on living our very best lives and experiencing new adventures during our 40's and beyond.

We have learned that re-marriage after divorce is possible.

Life after death is possible.

Joy after pain in possible.

Hope after fear is possible.

Finding truth after living a lifetime of lies is possible.

All things are possible and we plan on experiencing as much of it as God will allow.

Case in point...our Spring Break. Described in one word: Exhausting. But, that is how we now choose to live, enjoying the good kind of tired that comes from living our very best lives and celebrating every relationship we have been gifted with and every moment we've been given.

                          

Our college kiddo made it home to us about mid-week, so as soon as J was off for his weekend, the fun began. We started our Spring Break adventure Thursday with a focus on the boys. They enjoyed their first outing for Korean fried chicken, an embarrassingly disastrous round at Top Golf, and some shopping (that one was a little more for mom).

Friday opened up time for errands, work, and a sunset hike with my main man where we discussed dreams and some of the foggy details of the future. These hikes give us time to have important talks with no interruptions and time for us to reconnect. They are life-giving to our marriage and we cannot remember what it was like before we started doing them.

Saturday was all about friends. Being an outdoors girl in the middle of the suburbs, I find anything that says "nature" sucks me in like a moth to a flame. I was able to round up my sweet friend (who did not need much convincing) and head out to the Boho Market in Dallas. Fresh fruit, veggies, artisan pickles and bohemian craft goods? Count me in....always. 

  

And after wearing ourselves out with all the good stuff and deciding this is a must do again, we headed back to her house to join our husbands and kids for a great dinner and even better conversation. At the Webbers, we are always guaranteed a visit with the Longhorns, a great cup of coffee and a beautiful cheese board. And...we always leave feeling loved on and wondering how we will ever give more to them than they do to us. 

Sunday we woke up tired, so much so that the car was silent all the way to church and a two-hour nap was had that afternoon after the big kid went back to school. It was completely worth it as we would not have changed one single thing we did over the break. We spent way too many years saying no to living life for all the wrong reasons, with fear being the biggest of them all. Always afraid of giving too much of ourselves, of our carefully guarded time and of what little money we had kept us prisoners in our own home and out of those deep meaningful relationships that God wants to use for our growth. This new season has taught us to set fear aside in order to replace it with authentic relationship and trust that God will provide for all we need in the process. 

So, for now, Married Twice and Living Life looks a lot like a growing list of places we want to go and things we want to do combined with saying more yes's based in love and less no's based in fear. 

What a Difference a Year Makes.

These are two tired and happy faces; ones that glow with contentment and peace, not fear and exhaustion. 

What a difference a year makes.

A year ago we faced what seemed an insurmountable mountain that seemed to threaten our future and erase any hopes we had for adventure. Fortunately, we had a few cards in our back pockets that helped us remember we could overcome the impossible. These two have already been to hell and back before. God has already seen us through divorce and pain that is almost indescribable. He has already walked with us through the season that surrounded my sister-in-law's death. He has held our hands on nights when our oldest son had asthma so severe we prayed we could give him our own breath or through the chaotic behavior and diagnosis of our other son. So when we faced this mountain last year and found ourselves on our knees begging for mercy, we had those moments to draw from. We had stories that reminded us our God is so much bigger than any mountain, no matter how monstrous it seems. 

And...a year ago, that same great, big, loving God opened the doors to a series of events that forever changed our lives.

He has a habit of doing that. 

Enter the Parhams. 

Saturday night, we went to dinner and celebrated the year anniversary of a divinely orchestrated partnership and friendship. It was the year anniversary of dreams coming true and we took some time together to toast those to come.

We met this couple through the same fabulous life group mentioned in last week's blog. Unbeknownst to us, they almost immediately felt pressed to bring me along on a plan they were making for their own future. Because God had a bigger plan, they did not reach out until March of last year...and that's exactly how it needed to be. 

After some time passed and Jason and I learned some crucial life lessons, they asked me to take part in the creation of a business founded on the principles of helping women find healing and wholeness through intermittent fasting. For this past year, I have been blessed to be part of this idea that serves women and teaches them how to find real healing for their bodies and minds and in the process, I have benefited as well. Because God brought them into our lives when He did, I was able to bring a regular income back into our home to supplement Jason's, work from home and continue to homeschool our youngest son. 

Through this opportunity, I was given the ability to develop my creative drive, using my artistic side to help grow this business. 

Through this opportunity, I began to learn how to heal my body in a way that supported the healing that God had been working in my heart and mind over the course of the previous year. 

Through this opportunity, I was able to share this healthy lifestyle with my husband and others who have been able to take control of their own wellness. 

Through this opportunity, I gained a confidence and strength I never thought would be possible for me.  

In just one year, God used a relationship and opportunity to change me forever; body, mind, and soul. 

This happened because one couple leaned in, listened to God and reached out to someone they barely knew. In turn, Jason and I finally being able to come up for air again from the financial nightmare we had walked through and now we find ourselves really living again, not just surviving.

These incredible people took a divinely inspired idea borne out of their own personal struggles and pain and turned it into a tool to change the lives of others. Aside from my own life-changing experience, I have been allowed to take part in watching women facing hopelessness completely turn their lives around, and it has been amazing. 

What I have learned from these two is irreplaceable. I have learned what it is to take nothing but an idea and with passion and prayer turn it into a thriving business. I have learned that I am the only thing that limits me. I have learned that it truly takes a team who trusts each other to build a dream and make it work. I have learned that my credentials do not limit who I am when God says I am more. I have gone from that place that just knows anything is possible to truly knowing anything is possible. 

I have learned that anything can happen in a year.

Just one year later, Jason and I are dreaming again because God hand-picked people to place in our lives to model it to us. Now we are being given the gift of learning from the best as we begin to take a seed of an idea and turn it into something great to serve and speak life into others. 

What we have learned from these two has not just changed our financial situation, but our physical health and well being as well. Yes, they gave me a job, but everything about Jason and I both has changed as a result of walking through this past year with them. We are now mentally and physically stronger and ready take on whatever adventures lie ahead, which just may be the very best gift of all. 

Now we have friends for the journey, mentors that guide, and absolute gifts from the Father himself.

What a difference a year makes.

***Find out more about the amazing things the Parhams are doing at for Today's Aging Woman and IF Keto Family Life.***