Sometimes it's Just Not Pretty, but it's Still Good.

Some days don't really feel the best. 

Like yesterday when I was in the same pajamas for 24 hours plus, running on two hours of sleep, moving around as though I'm 95 and smelling like mentholatum. 

For real.

I pulled my back out in my attempt at proving something to a body pump coach. Yep, that worked in my favor.

Or like last week when J & I thought we were ready to make a change with one of our cars in order to cut some money from our outgoing monthly payments....and all 3 different efforts were shut down.

Or like when we took our youngest son to dinner Saturday night and he complained THE WHOLE TIME. 

He criticized everything from the temperature of the food, to the music in the restaurant, to the construction of the tables and chairs, to the fact that a family with toddlers was seated beside us. What was intended to be a nice family dinner after church turned into a marathon effort to count down the seconds until dinner ended where he finally said, "Well, don't bring me back here again. Okay?"

Done, Son. Done.

Or finally, like when we excitedly revisited a nature preserve we have been waiting months to hike, and less than an hour in, decided it was not for us. A one-foot wide trail covered in overgrowth, Texas-sized mosquitos and thorny branches that left their marks on the backs of our legs, helped us realize that part of our hiking journey needs to be better understanding the topography of the area we are hiking and make sure we are adequately prepared for it.

So you could say it was a week of lessons learned. It could have been a week of defeat if we chose to see it that way.

Well actually, for one of us it kind of was, but I won't front myself out like that...

Being a creative type, I get wrapped up in feelings very quickly and find myself in the throes of extreme emotions.

And during my fits, my J is getting better and better at reminding me that just because we don't win at everything, doesn't necessarily mean we are losing. I don't always buy it, but deep down I know he's right.

That's what this living life part of married twice looks like sometimes. It's not always about all of the fun and the adventure. Really living life comes from facing down the hard, the difficult, the inconvenient and the disappointing and continuing to realize one incredible truth:

Life can be hard and good all at the same time.

I can be frustrated because my day was completely turned upside down by a bad back yesterday, but I can celebrate the fact that I have amazing friends who offer to pray for me, bring me things I need, and give me great advice.

I can be disappointed because we feel like we have worked so very hard to overcome the financial challenges of last year only to still be turned down when we try to make decisions that we feel would bring us progress, or I can celebrate because we now know what decisions we need to make to get what we want in the future.

I can feel beat up by those characteristics that our son possesses that sometimes feel as though he will always be "hard" to be around, or I can relish in the fact that when we pointed out the constant negativity, he quickly added in, "But thank you for taking me to dinner. I did like my chicken." 

I LOVE THAT KID. 

(I did get his permission to tell this story..he says he's not negative, he's just particular. That's true too.)

And finally, I can feel let down by the fact that a place we waited months to hike turned out to be a total bust for us or enjoy how J and I were on the same page very quickly and decided that we want to stay away from certain landscapes when we hike.

Sunday evening was spent reflecting on the week and the things that just did not work out the way we had hoped for and watching The Intern.

This fantastic movie about a successful young wife/mother/entrepreneur facing the challenges of a growing company and a struggling marriage reminded me that hard things in life do not take away from the good things in life.

The roadblocks and losses don't define our lives as bad. If anything, they highlight the good things and remind us that for every loss, there is a win if we just look for it and if we are willing to fight for it.

So, yeah...I absolutely was not the picture of pretty yesterday. But, my husband came home from work at six in the morning only to spend the next hour getting my medicine, water, and rubbing my back until I fell asleep before he even tried to go to bed. I did miss my morning workout, but I had time to slow down and read some things that I felt like the Lord wanted me to read. One of my friends offered to bring medicine to me if I needed it, another sent some scripture to encourage me and another gave some good advice as to how to recover. So all in all, it wasn't that bad of a day. 

Life is hard sometimes, but it really can be oh so very good too. 

A Change of Plans

"Adventure is just bad planning."

-Roald Amundsen

Well..at least it was this time anyway. We had every intention to get up bright and early Saturday morning, bundle up and hit the trail. We talked about it all week. We made the plan and Friday afternoon told our boys we would not be home when they woke in the morning. 

And then, Friday night happened. For two weeks we have had dinner plans on the books with some new friends. This couple shares a very similar story to ours and while the world has its fair share of people who have divorced and remarried each other, there is just a beauty to finding friends who share an understanding of what you have been through without ever having to say a word. 

Somehow our easy, laid-back Friday night dinner with them led to a once in a lifetime opportunity for J to take a Ferrari for a spin and a late night full of the best discussion, inspiration, and encouragement. Before we knew it, 2:00 in the morning snuck up on us when we finally crawled into bed. 

We reasoned that five hours of sleep should be enough to keep us on schedule for our hike and were proven wrong when our eyes slowly opened at closer to seven hours later. The late start combined with the list of other obligations on our Saturday schedule and the rain and cold melded together and forced us to compromise. 

So instead of our planned three-hour hike, we opted for an hour walk at one of our favorite local parks. It didn't take long for us to realize that our hike may not have worked regardless as the rain slowly moved in and we came to the understanding we are not truly equipped for hiking in rainy weather. 

But, all was not lost. 

We still managed to get some time together to connect and plan for what lies ahead. Our conversation included beginning a list of things we may need to make sure we have before our trip in July (including rain gear) and then spending an even greater portion of our time together reflecting on the incredible things God sent our way this past year and the even more amazing people He brought alongside us to do life with. And it occurred to us that part of the reason we are able to dream big again is due to the fact that He has surrounded us with friends who show us what it looks like to dream even bigger. Daily, they encourage and inspire us to live up to who God calls us to be as they live their lives out loud for Him. They have shown us great compassion and love as we have struggled through some of our toughest days and then reminded us when it was time to get back up and do something with ourselves. They sat beside us at rest, and stood up and fought alongside us when it was necessary. 

Because of God's amazing love for us and His propensity to use community as His conduit for care (thank you Pastor Elizabeth for a phrase that has been cemented in my soul), we have discovered that the greatest strength, the greatest gifts, and the greatest love comes not in the form of having everything we want out of life, but having the very best people by our side. We've learned how to stop fighting for things we don't need and let go so that we can grab hold of His very best for us, learning that real faith is built on trusting God's undeniable, immovable love for us. 

And even if we don't have everything we think we need right now, we can trust that He will provide his very best for us when the time is right as long as we partner with Him in dreaming and planning our adventures. We don't have to fight and tug and push and pull to provide for ourselves (like that poor squirrel we watched trying to drag a plastic bag out of the tree). We can just continue to walk forward, lean into him, and do what He is calling us to do and we will get what we need when the timing is right....including the proper gear for hiking in wet weather. 

So, no, we did not get in the hike we wanted, but we did get in the walk we needed. It was exactly as it should have been.

And on a final note, if you have any advice for two rookie hikers who plan on hitting the Colorado trails in July, please, please, please share what your hiking must-haves are in the comments (ie: trustworthy brands of shoes/boots and rain gear, etc...). 

We would love to know!