When You Just Make it Work

I love January....and I sort of hate it. 

I love the newness and the opportunity for fresh beginnings and all of the wonderfulness that a New Year brings. Conversely, I am not a fan of that special south-central Texas mountain cedar pollen that ebbs and flows with the battles between artic fronts that move in from the north and gulf winds from the south that bring us 75 degrees in January. This season, unfortunately, dictates my social schedule from mid-late December until almost early March. 

This weekend, I am sad to report the score as Allergies-1, Kara-0. 

J and I had planned a hike at a new park and couldn't wait to check out this local nature refuge that boasts over 20 miles of trails! Score!

Sunday morning, my swollen eyes and runny nose said our plans needed to change. As Jason can attest, I do not take too kindly to my plans being changed last minute, especially when it is something I am so very passionate about doing. So when my stubborn self concocted an alternative plan, he knew talking me out of it would have been fruitless, regardless of the shape I was in.

We are happy to report it worked out pretty well.

We decided that while my nose could not handle being out in the middle of the woods for a few hours, it could handle hanging out in the car with brief stops to scope out the area. So we grabbed the trail map, my camera, and a box of tissues. A fifteen-minute drive landed us at a local lake that is home to the Ft. Worth Nature Center and Refuge.

It never ceases to amaze me how we can be native to an area and 40 years in and still discover new places to explore!

We drove to the suggested, a-hem, "parking lot" for the trailhead we wanted to check out and quickly realized our sweet little Nissan Altima is not really suited for the outdoor life as we maneuvered into a "parking spot" and crawled out of the car. 

We also were not prepared to see this sign as we started to poke around and figure this place out. 

See, isn't adventure fun? 

On the other side of the fence was the firearms prohibited sign which leaves me wondering what the suggested form of alligator protection would be in a situation should it be necessary. 

Hmmm.....

Nevertheless, my sense of intrigue took over, runny nose and all, and we wandered a little further down the trail than Jason would have liked...no packs, no gear, and absolutely no alligator repellant.

The truth is, I always have to keep going just a few more steps just to see what may be ahead, no matter what we are facing in life.  

 And, I have to say I know this about me. 

And, I do it anyway as my longsuffering husband wanders behind me consistently repeating, "We should probably head back now" while I pretend I don't hear him and just keep moving forward. 

Each time, I test that line just a little more until I hear that tone in his voice. You the one. It kind of sounds like a father who is just about done with their toddler. Curiosity just gets the best of me and my amazing husband has only so much grace for it when we are not "fully prepared".  He has to always be prepared. Always.

Remember? I'm the sail, he's the anchor. 

Poor guy. He has his hands full with me.

Our 10 minutes out of the car, though, quickly determined that this will be the place to go for the next hike, hands down.

Once we returned to the car, the decision was made that it would be a good idea to drive the roads of the preserve and check out the different parking spots and trailheads.  Because he knows me so well, my incredible husband stopped at every spot giving me a few minutes to step out, explore, ooooh and ahhhh and get a few pictures.

Somehow, what was supposed to be just a short outing to scope out this new place, became a full morning of exploring. 

On the drive home, we reflected on the weekend as a whole and recalled how incredibly "full" our life is. 

Adventure wasn't just defined by whether or not we hiked Sunday morning. It was found in discussing deep things with the people we do life with Friday night. It was found shopping at Ikea on Saturday with our kiddo who decided he needed to count every single step he took while we were there. I stopped listening at 1,245. He didn't stop counting. 

Adventure was found when we went on a double date with some new friends Saturday night and drove home talking about how amazed we are at the incredible people God consistently brings into our lives. And, finally, adventure was found when we, I mean I, changed my disappointed attitude around Sunday morning and decided to make the best of my sickly situation and found a way to explore anyway with an open heart and a hand full of tissues.

I wouldn't go as far as saying we have childlike faith, but we are finding that as we age we are becoming more and more amazed at the beauty found in simplicity, the unassuming, and the everyday. 

We are discovering that real adventure is more about what we are learning about ourselves and the outlook we bring to situations than it is about discovering new places.

But, we are still going to go new places. 

I mean, really.

"If you pursue happiness, you are an ordinary person. If happiness pursues you, you are an extraordinary person. Do not chase happiness; let it chase you."

~ Peter Dunov

Adventure When You're Lost

"You'd be surprised who the love of your life turns out to be. After all, Adventure fell in love with Lost." ~ Erin Van Vuren

So, we're nothing alike and almost exactly alike. There's a saying that over the years couples tend to begin to look like each other. I'm not sure that we are there yet, but somehow over our time together we have come to resemble each other in the oddest of ways and it comes out at the funniest of times.

Saturday our plans for our morning hike were shifted, which totally turned out to be great. This actually had to have been part of the "Master Plan" as it was the most beautiful day we've seen here in North Texas in a while and we ended up on an amazing 70-degree afternoon outing. 

It was perfection. 

Anyway, what transpired throughout the day leading up to the hike was a whole lot less than perfect. It was just one of those days where my every flaw was screaming at me so loudly I could not remember who I was or where I was going. But you know... 20 years of marriage and all seeped in and my guy stopped me in the middle of one of my 600 fits that day and, well, he forced me to take a breath. He put his hand on my shoulder, lowered his voice, wrapped me up in those arms and then, I fell apart. 

After about what seemed like forever and a whole lot of tears and some slobber, (so attractive, I know) I finally settled. He convinced me to put on the shirt that I had just thrown across the room because I felt like it was too small and my new Salomons and get ready to get out in the sunshine. 

And while I run the risk of offending some ultra independent women out there by what I'm going to say next, it really needs to be said. 

He did something that had to be done in that moment: 

He led me. 

You see, I was so lost in my insecurities and what I saw as all of my flaws that day that I needed someone to lead me out. And when I just couldn't deal, he reigned me in and convinced me to lace up my shoes and hit the trails with him. 

So I did and he was right and it was all I needed. 

By ten minutes in, I was feeling like myself again. And although we were out there with what felt like every other human being that had been hibernating all winter, it was perfect. 

Once I started to calm down and we could focus on other things, we began to really enjoy breaking in our most recent investment for this new hiking lifestyle we are enjoying. 

At our backpacking basics class a few weeks ago, the instructor convinced us that the most important things we would need would have everything to do with caring for our feet. So with a little planning, some budgeting, and the grace of God, we made our first legit hiking purchases and grabbed some new treads and socks that have, get this, a lifetime guarantee. Who knew?  

Shopping for this gear was no joke. We spent over an hour at REI getting fitted, talking about our outdoor needs and what our future outdoor plans were just to find the right shoes. I'm sorry, did I say we? I meant I. I spent over an hour finding the right ones. Mr. Focus walked in and found his in less than ten minutes. 

Nevertheless, the intensity of the whole experience ended up reminding me of a weird combination of buying a car and adopting our rescue dog. 

The rest of our hike consisted of enjoying the sunshine, perfect temperature, and lots of talking about all of the things in this life we have to be grateful for including how absolutely on point our new shoes were. We were wondering how in the world we ever lived without real hiking shoes when we encountered one of my favorite short climbs, and I remembered exactly how and why God put us together.

This picture doesn't show the intensity of this small, but steep climb so it's hard to tell that it requires a little more effort than you would think. But, what it does show is that you have two options...the carefully placed rocks or, well, the other way. 

And funny enough I am the girl who always gravitates towards the tougher choice. You could put the easiest path in front of me, no matter what it is in life, and I am going to end up going for the harder option. 

Why? 

WHO KNOWS!?!?!

 I wish I could say something super empowered like, "It's because I love a challenge", but that is just not true. I am not that girl. I really can't even tell you why I tend to opt for the more difficult path other than it's just who I am and there really is no logic to it. 

So, what happened when we were at the foot of this thing and I asked my guy which way he wanted to go? He said, "Let's go to the right."

Sigh...

That's why he's mine.You see, he's all about practicality and what makes the most sense and having a plan for E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G. But, then sometimes he kind of "looks like me" and goes the hard way just because. 

And when I'm having a rough day, that's just the kind of leading I need. 

At the end of the day, I guess that's what this big adventure is all about. 

Some days when you're feeling lost, you have to lean on someone else to lead you out and if you're really lucky they "look" a little bit like you. 

Real Life

There are days we want to go hike but real life and priorities take over, kind of like Saturday when our first-year college kid went back to school after his month-long Christmas break. 

Honestly, it was such a weird, bittersweet day. True to form, he and I spent the first hour of the morning butting heads over something so insignificant I can't even recall what it was. Even more true to form, Jason just sat in his chair shaking his head and commenting on how he is just done with us. 

You see, that strong-willed, super-opinionated 19-year-old of ours is JUST. LIKE. ME. What this really means is that we only speak "stubborn-ese" and express emotions through arguing instead of just admitting that his leaving was going to be a little tough. 

In this boy-filled house, our sentimentality levels are quite low so adjusting to our new normal after Dillon originally left happened rather quickly. Thanksgiving break ended as quickly as it began and gave us no real understanding of what it would be like to have his return for one whole month. 

Surprisingly enough, the adjustment happened quickly and while it was new for all of us and we learned a lot, Jason and I can now honestly say that THIS phase of parenting has to be the hardest and weirdest there is. 

Jason adored having his "sense of humor twin" back home. They laugh at the same inappropriate things and wrestle for no reason at all and neither I nor Greg engages in that juvenile behavior...well, not as frequently as J would like anyway. I really enjoyed having my firstborn back under my roof at night. Knowing he was safely asleep in a REAL bed, and not the egg crate foam mattress that is his current excuse for a bed was the epitome of peace. However, that sweetness was often juxtaposed with the constant, "MAAAMMMM, I got it! I GOT IT!" that followed many of our conversations over the last several weeks. 

Somehow, J and I have found ourselves in a season where we have to carefully pick and choose our discussions as we want him to act like an adult, but he's not really an adult, but he lives on his own, but we cover the car insurance, but... You get it. So when he spent the last two days here sick and I was asking him to be on top of taking his meds at school and I got this response:

"You can want in one hand and, uh, "wish" in the other..."

Don't get me wrong, he is truly an incredible young man and we have been utterly blessed to have him as our firstborn. We were literally his age when we got married and just a year older than that when he was born. How weird is that? 

The very fact that he turned out so well when he had two babies as parents is nothing less than miraculous and one of the very best testaments of our journey! Raising him taught us more about growing up than anything else. This has often included constantly having conversations centered around teaching him to not make the same decisions we did. Each one leaves us wondering if this will be the one that will send him over the edge, but for the most part, it never does. He and God both have a lot of grace for the two of us. 

This same type of conversation was still occurring in some form when we were shoving his things in suitcases and trash bags and heading out to load them into the car for the trip back to school. 

How in the world did he leave with way more than he came home with? 

One thing that J and I have learned during this part of our life journey is that while our parenting requirements may change, the opportunity to teach and, hopefully, impart wisdom, never does, and for that, we are eternally grateful. 

By the grace of God, two young and dumb kids have made it through 26 years of life together, were given the chance to marry each other twice and raise two amazing kids. 

We are now entering a phase of life that has left behind changing diapers, wiping noses, and taking kids to football games, and now have the freedom to plan weekly hikes without hiring a sitter or go out with friends to dinner without being interrupted 800 million times. Truth, be told we are not sad about it one bit. And truth be told again...I'm not sure saying goodbye when one of your kids leaves and reality hits that life has changed and they don't really "belong" to you that way anymore ever gets any easier. 

Be still my heart. 

Maybe next this week's date night and Saturday morning hike will take the sting out of this one just a bit. 

It's all good though, it's just a new leg of the journey in our new adventure. 

Untitled.

Untitled. Uninspired. Un-ready to write this blog, but for the sake of consistency, I did it anyway.

That probably seems rather contradictory considering the beauty of one of my favorite pics from this week's hike. 

But some days are like that. We let busyness, or exhaustion, or circumstances out of our control wiggle their way into our minds and overshadow the very real beauty that sits right in front of us and that's just where I am today. 

How is that for "real"? 

Despite the fact that Saturday's hike was nothing less than perfect...perfect weather, perfect company, and perfect glimpses of all kinds of critters, overall it was pretty ordinary. 

In fact, the most eventful part of the day had to have been when this little guy reared up to show us his claws. 

He wasn't as scary as he probably hoped he was.

Although I should have walked away from our outing refreshed, the whole day left me feeling a little "dry".  

But, God. 

He brought my guy into my world twenty-six years ago, and that guy does not let me stay in this humdrum place for long. 

For the most part, his leadership style can be a little "brusque", so to speak. (That's a gentle way to put it...). He just has a knack for seeing broken things and then going in with an idea and a plan ready to turn everything upside down. And don't tell him I said this, but he's usually right. 

When I get over the initial shock of the approach and quit telling him to not boss me around so much, my mind settles and my heart opens and I hear what he's really trying to say. 

On other days, like Saturday, when we are off the pavement and don't see anyone for hours, and just get to talk with no interruptions and no distractions, his approach is a little less intense and I am reminded of the complexity of this human and how he is such an amazing reflection of God's love for me. 

The Author of the Universe sent this man who somehow manages to look at this chaotic mess of ideas and thoughts and hopes and dreams and insecurities and see a work of art. When I am unsure of who I am or what I am even doing with this life of mine, God speaks directly to me through my husband and reminds me that my name means "Beloved." He uses Jason's voice and tenacity to pull me out of these moments and gently (and sometimes not so much) place me back on track. 

Oh, and the fact that He matched me with a man with a fixer mentality whose name means "Healer" is not lost on me...at all. 

Eventually, after a little time tuning into the sound of His voice, often times speaking through Jason, I remember that this life and all that it is, isn't at all about the final destination, but about the journey, (Insert corny Pinterest quote here. I know...)

Life's grand adventure is really about the things we discover, the way we grow and the relationships we are blessed to be part of. It is about uncovering the layers of the uniquely created beings we are and in turn seeing more and more of the glory of who God is as revealed through His creative nature...All topics we somehow managed to cover on those trails last weekend.

And somehow, as I sit here and type these words, the inspiration returns and I realize I don't have to have a takeaway from every adventure we take. Instead, I just need to revel in the ability to reflect and just be grateful. 

When my mind finally clears and I can see through the murkiness again, I realize that every day doesn't have to hold some grand revelation to be part of a great adventure and that even the best sailors have days where they journey under uneventful skies. 

How's that for ironic? 

A Change of Plans

"Adventure is just bad planning."

-Roald Amundsen

Well..at least it was this time anyway. We had every intention to get up bright and early Saturday morning, bundle up and hit the trail. We talked about it all week. We made the plan and Friday afternoon told our boys we would not be home when they woke in the morning. 

And then, Friday night happened. For two weeks we have had dinner plans on the books with some new friends. This couple shares a very similar story to ours and while the world has its fair share of people who have divorced and remarried each other, there is just a beauty to finding friends who share an understanding of what you have been through without ever having to say a word. 

Somehow our easy, laid-back Friday night dinner with them led to a once in a lifetime opportunity for J to take a Ferrari for a spin and a late night full of the best discussion, inspiration, and encouragement. Before we knew it, 2:00 in the morning snuck up on us when we finally crawled into bed. 

We reasoned that five hours of sleep should be enough to keep us on schedule for our hike and were proven wrong when our eyes slowly opened at closer to seven hours later. The late start combined with the list of other obligations on our Saturday schedule and the rain and cold melded together and forced us to compromise. 

So instead of our planned three-hour hike, we opted for an hour walk at one of our favorite local parks. It didn't take long for us to realize that our hike may not have worked regardless as the rain slowly moved in and we came to the understanding we are not truly equipped for hiking in rainy weather. 

But, all was not lost. 

We still managed to get some time together to connect and plan for what lies ahead. Our conversation included beginning a list of things we may need to make sure we have before our trip in July (including rain gear) and then spending an even greater portion of our time together reflecting on the incredible things God sent our way this past year and the even more amazing people He brought alongside us to do life with. And it occurred to us that part of the reason we are able to dream big again is due to the fact that He has surrounded us with friends who show us what it looks like to dream even bigger. Daily, they encourage and inspire us to live up to who God calls us to be as they live their lives out loud for Him. They have shown us great compassion and love as we have struggled through some of our toughest days and then reminded us when it was time to get back up and do something with ourselves. They sat beside us at rest, and stood up and fought alongside us when it was necessary. 

Because of God's amazing love for us and His propensity to use community as His conduit for care (thank you Pastor Elizabeth for a phrase that has been cemented in my soul), we have discovered that the greatest strength, the greatest gifts, and the greatest love comes not in the form of having everything we want out of life, but having the very best people by our side. We've learned how to stop fighting for things we don't need and let go so that we can grab hold of His very best for us, learning that real faith is built on trusting God's undeniable, immovable love for us. 

And even if we don't have everything we think we need right now, we can trust that He will provide his very best for us when the time is right as long as we partner with Him in dreaming and planning our adventures. We don't have to fight and tug and push and pull to provide for ourselves (like that poor squirrel we watched trying to drag a plastic bag out of the tree). We can just continue to walk forward, lean into him, and do what He is calling us to do and we will get what we need when the timing is right....including the proper gear for hiking in wet weather. 

So, no, we did not get in the hike we wanted, but we did get in the walk we needed. It was exactly as it should have been.

And on a final note, if you have any advice for two rookie hikers who plan on hitting the Colorado trails in July, please, please, please share what your hiking must-haves are in the comments (ie: trustworthy brands of shoes/boots and rain gear, etc...). 

We would love to know!