Sometimes it's Just Not Pretty, but it's Still Good.

Some days don't really feel the best. 

Like yesterday when I was in the same pajamas for 24 hours plus, running on two hours of sleep, moving around as though I'm 95 and smelling like mentholatum. 

For real.

I pulled my back out in my attempt at proving something to a body pump coach. Yep, that worked in my favor.

Or like last week when J & I thought we were ready to make a change with one of our cars in order to cut some money from our outgoing monthly payments....and all 3 different efforts were shut down.

Or like when we took our youngest son to dinner Saturday night and he complained THE WHOLE TIME. 

He criticized everything from the temperature of the food, to the music in the restaurant, to the construction of the tables and chairs, to the fact that a family with toddlers was seated beside us. What was intended to be a nice family dinner after church turned into a marathon effort to count down the seconds until dinner ended where he finally said, "Well, don't bring me back here again. Okay?"

Done, Son. Done.

Or finally, like when we excitedly revisited a nature preserve we have been waiting months to hike, and less than an hour in, decided it was not for us. A one-foot wide trail covered in overgrowth, Texas-sized mosquitos and thorny branches that left their marks on the backs of our legs, helped us realize that part of our hiking journey needs to be better understanding the topography of the area we are hiking and make sure we are adequately prepared for it.

So you could say it was a week of lessons learned. It could have been a week of defeat if we chose to see it that way.

Well actually, for one of us it kind of was, but I won't front myself out like that...

Being a creative type, I get wrapped up in feelings very quickly and find myself in the throes of extreme emotions.

And during my fits, my J is getting better and better at reminding me that just because we don't win at everything, doesn't necessarily mean we are losing. I don't always buy it, but deep down I know he's right.

That's what this living life part of married twice looks like sometimes. It's not always about all of the fun and the adventure. Really living life comes from facing down the hard, the difficult, the inconvenient and the disappointing and continuing to realize one incredible truth:

Life can be hard and good all at the same time.

I can be frustrated because my day was completely turned upside down by a bad back yesterday, but I can celebrate the fact that I have amazing friends who offer to pray for me, bring me things I need, and give me great advice.

I can be disappointed because we feel like we have worked so very hard to overcome the financial challenges of last year only to still be turned down when we try to make decisions that we feel would bring us progress, or I can celebrate because we now know what decisions we need to make to get what we want in the future.

I can feel beat up by those characteristics that our son possesses that sometimes feel as though he will always be "hard" to be around, or I can relish in the fact that when we pointed out the constant negativity, he quickly added in, "But thank you for taking me to dinner. I did like my chicken." 

I LOVE THAT KID. 

(I did get his permission to tell this story..he says he's not negative, he's just particular. That's true too.)

And finally, I can feel let down by the fact that a place we waited months to hike turned out to be a total bust for us or enjoy how J and I were on the same page very quickly and decided that we want to stay away from certain landscapes when we hike.

Sunday evening was spent reflecting on the week and the things that just did not work out the way we had hoped for and watching The Intern.

This fantastic movie about a successful young wife/mother/entrepreneur facing the challenges of a growing company and a struggling marriage reminded me that hard things in life do not take away from the good things in life.

The roadblocks and losses don't define our lives as bad. If anything, they highlight the good things and remind us that for every loss, there is a win if we just look for it and if we are willing to fight for it.

So, yeah...I absolutely was not the picture of pretty yesterday. But, my husband came home from work at six in the morning only to spend the next hour getting my medicine, water, and rubbing my back until I fell asleep before he even tried to go to bed. I did miss my morning workout, but I had time to slow down and read some things that I felt like the Lord wanted me to read. One of my friends offered to bring medicine to me if I needed it, another sent some scripture to encourage me and another gave some good advice as to how to recover. So all in all, it wasn't that bad of a day. 

Life is hard sometimes, but it really can be oh so very good too. 

Married Twice and Living Life

Me and my best guy.

I won't repeat the whole story today. Short version; it's been one long and semi-treacherous road and we now want to make the most of every day ahead instead of constantly living in fear. We've also come to a place where we see the value in sharing the goodness of the amazing things God has done in our marriage and want nothing more than to pass that hope on to others.

This being the case, and after taking wise advice from mentors and friends, we've decided to change the name of our blog to better represent who we are and where we are going. 

So, welcome to Married Twice and Living Life. 

Our journey has led us to see that our 20's were where we first glimpsed the miraculous power of God through his healing and restoration of our marriage, our 30's were focused on growth and learning to let go of old belief systems and adopting the truth of who God really is to us, and moving forward we are focused on centering on living our very best lives and experiencing new adventures during our 40's and beyond.

We have learned that re-marriage after divorce is possible.

Life after death is possible.

Joy after pain in possible.

Hope after fear is possible.

Finding truth after living a lifetime of lies is possible.

All things are possible and we plan on experiencing as much of it as God will allow.

Case in point...our Spring Break. Described in one word: Exhausting. But, that is how we now choose to live, enjoying the good kind of tired that comes from living our very best lives and celebrating every relationship we have been gifted with and every moment we've been given.

                          

Our college kiddo made it home to us about mid-week, so as soon as J was off for his weekend, the fun began. We started our Spring Break adventure Thursday with a focus on the boys. They enjoyed their first outing for Korean fried chicken, an embarrassingly disastrous round at Top Golf, and some shopping (that one was a little more for mom).

Friday opened up time for errands, work, and a sunset hike with my main man where we discussed dreams and some of the foggy details of the future. These hikes give us time to have important talks with no interruptions and time for us to reconnect. They are life-giving to our marriage and we cannot remember what it was like before we started doing them.

Saturday was all about friends. Being an outdoors girl in the middle of the suburbs, I find anything that says "nature" sucks me in like a moth to a flame. I was able to round up my sweet friend (who did not need much convincing) and head out to the Boho Market in Dallas. Fresh fruit, veggies, artisan pickles and bohemian craft goods? Count me in....always. 

  

And after wearing ourselves out with all the good stuff and deciding this is a must do again, we headed back to her house to join our husbands and kids for a great dinner and even better conversation. At the Webbers, we are always guaranteed a visit with the Longhorns, a great cup of coffee and a beautiful cheese board. And...we always leave feeling loved on and wondering how we will ever give more to them than they do to us. 

Sunday we woke up tired, so much so that the car was silent all the way to church and a two-hour nap was had that afternoon after the big kid went back to school. It was completely worth it as we would not have changed one single thing we did over the break. We spent way too many years saying no to living life for all the wrong reasons, with fear being the biggest of them all. Always afraid of giving too much of ourselves, of our carefully guarded time and of what little money we had kept us prisoners in our own home and out of those deep meaningful relationships that God wants to use for our growth. This new season has taught us to set fear aside in order to replace it with authentic relationship and trust that God will provide for all we need in the process. 

So, for now, Married Twice and Living Life looks a lot like a growing list of places we want to go and things we want to do combined with saying more yes's based in love and less no's based in fear. 

What a Difference a Year Makes.

These are two tired and happy faces; ones that glow with contentment and peace, not fear and exhaustion. 

What a difference a year makes.

A year ago we faced what seemed an insurmountable mountain that seemed to threaten our future and erase any hopes we had for adventure. Fortunately, we had a few cards in our back pockets that helped us remember we could overcome the impossible. These two have already been to hell and back before. God has already seen us through divorce and pain that is almost indescribable. He has already walked with us through the season that surrounded my sister-in-law's death. He has held our hands on nights when our oldest son had asthma so severe we prayed we could give him our own breath or through the chaotic behavior and diagnosis of our other son. So when we faced this mountain last year and found ourselves on our knees begging for mercy, we had those moments to draw from. We had stories that reminded us our God is so much bigger than any mountain, no matter how monstrous it seems. 

And...a year ago, that same great, big, loving God opened the doors to a series of events that forever changed our lives.

He has a habit of doing that. 

Enter the Parhams. 

Saturday night, we went to dinner and celebrated the year anniversary of a divinely orchestrated partnership and friendship. It was the year anniversary of dreams coming true and we took some time together to toast those to come.

We met this couple through the same fabulous life group mentioned in last week's blog. Unbeknownst to us, they almost immediately felt pressed to bring me along on a plan they were making for their own future. Because God had a bigger plan, they did not reach out until March of last year...and that's exactly how it needed to be. 

After some time passed and Jason and I learned some crucial life lessons, they asked me to take part in the creation of a business founded on the principles of helping women find healing and wholeness through intermittent fasting. For this past year, I have been blessed to be part of this idea that serves women and teaches them how to find real healing for their bodies and minds and in the process, I have benefited as well. Because God brought them into our lives when He did, I was able to bring a regular income back into our home to supplement Jason's, work from home and continue to homeschool our youngest son. 

Through this opportunity, I was given the ability to develop my creative drive, using my artistic side to help grow this business. 

Through this opportunity, I began to learn how to heal my body in a way that supported the healing that God had been working in my heart and mind over the course of the previous year. 

Through this opportunity, I was able to share this healthy lifestyle with my husband and others who have been able to take control of their own wellness. 

Through this opportunity, I gained a confidence and strength I never thought would be possible for me.  

In just one year, God used a relationship and opportunity to change me forever; body, mind, and soul. 

This happened because one couple leaned in, listened to God and reached out to someone they barely knew. In turn, Jason and I finally being able to come up for air again from the financial nightmare we had walked through and now we find ourselves really living again, not just surviving.

These incredible people took a divinely inspired idea borne out of their own personal struggles and pain and turned it into a tool to change the lives of others. Aside from my own life-changing experience, I have been allowed to take part in watching women facing hopelessness completely turn their lives around, and it has been amazing. 

What I have learned from these two is irreplaceable. I have learned what it is to take nothing but an idea and with passion and prayer turn it into a thriving business. I have learned that I am the only thing that limits me. I have learned that it truly takes a team who trusts each other to build a dream and make it work. I have learned that my credentials do not limit who I am when God says I am more. I have gone from that place that just knows anything is possible to truly knowing anything is possible. 

I have learned that anything can happen in a year.

Just one year later, Jason and I are dreaming again because God hand-picked people to place in our lives to model it to us. Now we are being given the gift of learning from the best as we begin to take a seed of an idea and turn it into something great to serve and speak life into others. 

What we have learned from these two has not just changed our financial situation, but our physical health and well being as well. Yes, they gave me a job, but everything about Jason and I both has changed as a result of walking through this past year with them. We are now mentally and physically stronger and ready take on whatever adventures lie ahead, which just may be the very best gift of all. 

Now we have friends for the journey, mentors that guide, and absolute gifts from the Father himself.

What a difference a year makes.

***Find out more about the amazing things the Parhams are doing at for Today's Aging Woman and IF Keto Family Life.***

Friends for the Journey.

What can I say? These two have the very best people around them. 

I've written and re-written this opening line at least 3 times. Why? Because it is really difficult to find the right words to explain what it is like when you feel "known". When God puts those people in your life who just seem to get you: the people who challenge you, who call you out and call you up, and who make you a better person.

The journey we have taken over the last two years has led us smack-dab into the middle of the best of them. They have seen us through what has felt like the most challenging period of our lives and continue to shove us (I mean gently nudge, of course) to be our best. 

Our weekend adventure allowed us the opportunity to spend time with a couple of these, well, couples. 

Friday, we received a last minute-ish invite to hang out with some friends around a backyard fire and just laugh for no reason at all; talking about seemingly nothing and laughing at all of it provides its own kind of therapy, you know? Saturday, we found our way back to those same friends and a great little restaurant to spend more hours talking, laughing, and dreaming.

           

These incredible people with whom we share similar life stories, and even names with, were brought into our lives by another couple who have impacted us in ways they could never know. Jason and Jaime love us unconditionally, speak our "language" (for better or worse and all over again), and constantly remind us we are made for more. We wonder how we have come this far in life without knowing them and then realize life was orchestrated to bring them to us at just the right moment in time. 

After dinner and coffee and a deal struck to gather our families again soon, J and I headed off to get a good night's rest so we could tackle the trails the next morning...with another set of friends.

Sunday morning we woke to a bit of rain...wah, wah...but, true to form, our friends are made of tough stuff and agreed we would make the final call when we actually made it the park. And because of Providence, we arrived to a relatively dry setting. 

Joanna and Ken are beyond words. We landed in their life group on the recommendation of a dear mentor and friend at a moment when we needed it the most. After one visit, we were totally hooked. This group of people (all life changers) were authentic, kind, and did not do surface niceties when it came to discussing the Bible and real life. 

With their influence, we were able to let our guards down when we hit a wall just a couple of months after we joined. And even though we were in a place where it felt like life was ending for us, it was really just beginning. God used these people to pray for us, encourage us, and "lead" us through that season. He showed us the benefits of being "real" and rewarded us with a community who continued to show up. Through that experience, He developed a relationship between us and this couple that gives us opportunities for deep talks and great-big belly laughs and we could not ask for more. It's just an added bonus that they know more about that outdoor life than we do and share in our love for being outside. Now we find ourselves looking forward to every other Friday night and occasionally added in dinners and hikes! 

Sigh...

I wish I had more pictures and room for more stories of all those who have been strategically placed in our lives over the last two years. But, don't worry...they will come. You can expect a big one next week as I celebrate my one year anniversary working with two of the most amazing people we know, a couple who has impacted my life and our family in ways I can't even fully express. Or another couple in our life group who introduced us to a whole new way to approach marriage, or the ones who have prayed with and for us constantly, or our families and their support, or my very best teaching friends, or the ladies in my Bible study group who gathered around and prayed for me and sacrificed for my family, or, or, or...

You get the picture. 

One of my favorite people on the planet is also a pastor at our church. She shares a message that sticks with me constantly and has resounded throughout this journey time and time again...

"Community is God's conduit for care."

There is also a very real and raw truth that accompanies this idea: the community can't care for you if you don't let them in. Jason and I had to consistently make decisions in each and every one of these relationships where we chose to let our guards down and share our stories so that they could come into our lives. We had to choose authenticity over and over again so that God can do what God does best; move in and heal us. Had we chosen to do what we have done so many times and circled our wagons and just cut ourselves off from the rest of the world, we would never have had the ability to really connect with any of these people so generously placed in our lives.

Our lives have been forever changed and imprinted upon by these people; real-life gifts from God.

The very best adventure we could ever ask for is living our best life with these people in our corner. 

"You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with." ~ Jim Rohn

If Mr. Rohn is correct, then we are doing really, really well! 

If you are finding yourself in need of your own people, consider letting your guard down. There is a courage that comes with vulnerability and opens the gates to a life you can never imagine, one that you allows you to experience the love of the Father through those He's created....and it makes for the best kinds of adventures! 

Simple Things.

One of the most beautiful things to have come from our marriage has been an appreciation for simplicity. When you marry at 19 and 20, living on a budget becomes a priority and when you spend the next 20 years of life facing giants and overcoming obstacles, that way of life just sticks with you.

J and I had to learn early on how to make the most of what we have and make hand me downs, clearance, and thrift store items beautiful....and, by the grace of God, we did. This same experience forced us to choose between wallowing in our tight circumstances or trying to find beauty and enjoyment out of everything we could.

And thus, our obsession with coffee. 

Over the years, coffee dates became a relatively cheap way for us to get away from our world without breaking the bank. Whether we would steal away at a Starbucks prior to getting groceries, grab a cup to window shop with under twinkling Christmas lights, or sit together as the sunshine filtered through our windows on a Sunday morning, this "friend" of ours has become a constant. 

Sitting down with a fresh cup of coffee represents life to us. It represents the simplicity of enjoying a moment together without placing too much pressure on our budget or our expectations. We know that when we walk into a coffee shop, no matter where it is, we will take time to slow down and just be for a little while. While there, we may make life-changing decisions, discuss the trivialities of a busy schedule, dream our biggest dreams together, or sit in silence and just relax.

Because of grace, we've learned to take a simple pleasure and turn it into a life-defining experience that will stick with us throughout our years. And while we want to see the world, what we look forward to the most is all the places we will be allowed to sit with a warm cup and discuss this wonderful life we have been gifted with. 

"I think this is how we are supposed to be in the world. Present and in awe." ~ Anne Lamott

A Life Well Lived.

This was Saturday. A pretty perfect day filled with laughter, celebration, and new experiences. 

Family on Saturday comprised of Jason and I, our son, one of his best friends at school, my parents, and my sister and brother-in-law.

We spent our day visiting Dillon at school, #gowildcats, attending our very first ACU Sing Song performance (Google it, it's college co-eds and Pitch Perfect with enough Jesus to keep it PG), and celebrating my Dad's 3rd-ish 22nd birthday. 

                

In all honesty, we were all pretty shocked when my dad actually mounted that saddle, albeit a bit reluctantly, in the middle of the restaurant while my son belted out the Texas Roadhouse Birthday Song at the top of his lungs. 

While reflecting on the day and all of the fun during our road trip home, my dad did what he does so well and hit us all with a quick shot of truth. 

If you knew him at all, you would understand he embodies the phrase "a man of few words" perfectly. You would know that he is one of those people who reserves his words for when he wants to say something that really matters. So when we heard the opening phrase, "You know...", we knew we were in for something good. 

"You know, you get to a certain age and you just don't care what people think anymore." 

And while this is a phrase that many people are aware of and live by, when he said it, there was a bit of a different connotation. 

What he really meant was that he was there, celebrating his life, with his family and enjoying himself and the rest of the world just didn't matter in the moment. If he had it his way, I would bet that he would never have climbed aboard that saddle, but we were at his firstborn grandson's place of work with a gleam of excitement crossing Dillon's face and Dad made the decision that what everyone else around thought just was not important.

My dad decided he was going to live his best life in that moment and that was all that mattered. 

As someone who embarrasses easily as well, what I'm sure is a genetic trait I've inherited from him, I appreciated what he was saying and quickly understood how right he was.

I've been thinking a lot about what it looks like to live your best life here lately. It is actually part of why we even decided to start this adventure journey and blog. Coming to the conclusion that we are given this gift of this one life and doing the best we can with it, enjoying it the most we can and living it out to the fullest has moved to the forefront of our thoughts. 

In our short fortyish years on this earth, we have seen and felt enough heartbreak to destroy us several times over and we have decided that we want to live the lives that Jesus promised. We want to live lives that experience exceedingly abundantly more than all we could have ever asked for or imagined. 

And the conclusion that J and I have come to is that living our best lives, giving and experiencing love and sharing the hope we have been given with every single person we come across is exactly what we want to do. We want to do this through our words, the experiences we share, and the way we interact with everyone we meet. 

Our ultimate prayer is that when you see or hear us, that you are drawn to the Jesus in us. 

Reflecting on the life of Reverend Billy Graham today only solidified this idea. This one life, completely dedicated to pointing people to Jesus and the hope He gives was a life well lived. A man dedicated to sharing the hope, freedom, and love experienced through a life in Christ, single-handedly, but guided by the Holy Spirit, had an immeasurable impact on this world. 

And when I think about why Jason and I do what we do, it's only because we have just come to that point where we are no longer caring what people think about us anymore. What is more important to us overall, is that we share this hope, freedom, and love we have been given through our lives in Christ. 

More than anything, we want people to feel what we felt when hopelessness left our lives for good. More than anything, we want people to feel what we felt when we finally understood what real freedom is. More than anything, we want people to experience this life full of laughter, joy, and peace that surpasses all understanding no matter how tough it gets at times. 

You see, our lives have been forever changed because someone, somewhere once heard the story of Christ and understood that Jesus gave his life so that we could truly live and so that one day we could be forever united with Him and cared enough to share it with us.

It is this ripple effect that goes on forever as long as we keep sharing the good news of Jesus through our words, actions, experiences and the way we love others. 

This love, this fire in our bones to share the goodness of who He is to us is just more than we can contain and one day, when we close our eyes only to open them inside the gates of heaven, we can only pray we lived our lives well and we hear the words that greeted Dr. Graham today, "Well done thy good and faithful servant."

"But when I tell myself, I'll never mention Your name or speak for You again, it's no use.

The word of God burns in my heart; it is like fire in my bones.

I try to hold it all in, but I cannot."

Jeremiah 20:9, The Voice

***Kathy Lee Gifford explained the impact of Dr. Graham and the reason we celebrate his life today. THIS is the reason we have hope in Jesus and can celebrate in times of loss. Click the link to watch.***

French Food & Funny Romans

It really was a great night and that really was some amazing water. 

What can I say? We are impressed by strange things.

Our intention Saturday morning was to get up, hit the trails, go home, nap and head out for our first date night of the month. True to Texas winter form, we woke to 29 degrees after a 65-degree night, strong northern winds and my runny nose. Just like that, the hike was off...again.

After a day of rest and a couple of doses of vitamins and allergy meds, it was time to dress up and head out. We were all set for my first date night of the year! February is my month to plan and I wanted everything to be perfect.

 And honestly, it wasn't, and it kind of was. 

It wasn't because we got a late start and I was pretty stressed we weren't going to be able to make dinner and the show on time. If you ask my husband, I don't mask my anxieties very well and I kind of let them bleed all over everything else. It wasn't perfect because the activities I picked were both very new to us and J (love him more than life itself) takes awhile to warm up to new. It wasn't perfect because I spent most of my evening worried whether or not I had done as good a job as he did when he planned our first date last month.

I almost ruined the evening with all of my "it wasn'ts". 

But then, there were the perfect parts too. 

 It was perfect when we stepped foot into a warm, peaceful environment with soft French music playing and were seated near some friendly faces we haven't seen in years.

It was pretty perfect when we ordered sparkling water and were presented with this gem of some amazingness called Found that we can't seem to find anywhere else! As an aside, we have decided that it is definitely our new favorite and will find its way into our backpacks as a treat for completing long hikes! Amazon is the only place we have found it so far...it will find it's way to our doorstep soon. 

It was near perfect when these beautiful dishes were delivered to our table and after the first bite, we finally understood how French cuisine can really be considered art. 

All it took was one bite, and life as we knew it was forever changed. 

Like, for-ev-er. 

We have never been to a French restaurant and we left wondering if we ever need to eat another type of food again.

 Ever. 

The ambiance, the food and the company (my husband is pretty cute) lent themselves to two very happy, and soul-filled French food first-timers stumbling out and heading over to our next first.

Just across the street, we entered a quite unassuming storefront under a marquee. What we actually walked into was a whole other world. Reminiscent of only what I can describe as the Roman Coliseum squeezed into a local bar, we entered a raucous room full of noise, laughter, noise, people in togas, noise, families dining together, noise, flying popcorn and noise. 

It was a bit overwhelming to the senses, but it was a new experience and I was all in. Because God is good, we were seated in the far wing of the room, instead of dead center. Just the spot where my forever-a-cop-in-his-heart husband could survey the land and keep an eye on the only visible entrance to the place.  And..it was out of the way of most of the projectile popcorn. Score. 

As the Final Adventures of Hercules (it's Heracles...you had to have been there) began, the constant stream of humor littered with just enough innuendo broke through my favorite perfectionist's armor and we were able to really begin to enjoy ourselves. 

We learned two things from our theater experience: 1) We have to do this again and 2) Throwing popcorn in a way that it actually manages to hit someone on the stage is not as easy as you think.

Even though there were a few hiccups, the night was really a success. We started this date night adventure with the main goals of spending time together and making the effort to experience new things. And for the night, both items were quickly checked on our list. 

February date #1 was a win thanks to Edith's French Bistro, Pocket Sandwich Theater and two over 40 first timer's with big ideas!

(Not pictured: My completely eviscerated Short Rib Poutine)

It's amazing to me that two people can spend almost 30 years together and still find new ways to fill their time. It just takes a little thought and a willingness to stretch yourself outside of your comfort zones. 

We are always looking for fresh ideas. Please feel free to share with us any suggestions you have!

"You'll never get bored when you try something new. There's really no limit to what you can do."

Dr. Seuss