It's Not All About Me.

This was a dream realized last week, but it wasn't mine.

My guy has talked, and talked, and talked about going to the Fort Worth Invitational at the Colonial for what seems like FOR-EV-ER, or at least for the last 25 years. 

This past month, when HE was in charge of picking our dates for the month, guess what our "big" date was?

You guessed correctly, walking for hours and hours on end in the sweltering 100 degree Texas heat with our clothes sticking to us from being drenched with sweat.

I'm sorry, I meant enjoying a beautiful day walking the historical grounds of the Colonial Country Club with the love of my life.

I do have to concede that it was a truly beautiful course. 

Despite my indifference to the game, our day began with these smiles.

Part of doing life with this guy is understanding and accepting that he adores all things golf. 

And, after 26 years together, all I can say is that I think the courses are pretty (most of them anyway) and the quiet nature of the game itself soothes the introverted, introspective part of me. 

He can tell me about all of the players and nuances of the game and I can recognize maybe one of his favorites and tell you what the word "par" means. 

That's about it.

We followed this orange shirt around most of the day. 

It's Jordan Speith, right? 

Just kidding. I pay better attention than that. 

He spent his day living out one of his bucket list items.

And I spent much of the day like this.

No, I'm not pouting. That's me with a look of confusion. 

He tries really hard to explain things to me that my mind refuses to process. 

Well, why did I do it? Why did I agree to spend my date day in the heat, kind of addled, and wandering around in silence?

The simple answer: Because I love him. 

J and I haven't always gotten this marriage thing down right, but something we did learn many years ago is that it isn't always about what we as individuals want or like. 

Having an intentional relationship often means seeking ways to spend time together that nourish the soul of the other. 

After 26 years, we have found things to do together that we both love, but there are things we both enjoy that the other just isn't a huge fan of. 

Yes, we could choose to send the other off to enjoy their favorite activity on their own or with their friends (which we sometimes do).

However, we have learned that something special happens when one of us chooses to take an interest in the things that matter to our partner. When we find a way to share our interests, we find the other feels seen, loved, and understood for who they are.

In our world this means I sit on the couch and write as he watches golf, I drive the cart and take pictures as he plays, and I walk around in the heat for hours as he marvels in watching his favorites from twenty feet away.

And he wanders art museums, goes to musicals, and makes a concerted effort to stay awake through my eight millionth viewing of Under the Tuscan Sun. 

Honestly, when we began this practice, it was a little tough. We had already gone through our divorce and remarriage though, and decided that we would do whatever it takes to take care of and speak love to each other.

Fortunately, our experience taught us the necessity of sacrificing our own desires for the better of our spouse and trusting that if we lean on God, and love and respect our spouse the way we want to be loved and respected, then it will all work out in the wash. 

If I am consistently putting his needs first and he is consistently putting mine first, we always win. 

Yes, this is a difficult concept to live out. 

Yes, it requires vulnerability and faith.

Yes, it works. 

AND, one of the benefits is that we find over time a middle ground is uncovered and we discover there are aspects of the interests of the other that meet our own needs.

No, not a huge fan of the game of golf. Yes, I adore the outdoors, the quiet, and the joy it gives my husband. 

This approach has served us well:

• We learn more about each other by being intentional in sharing in each other's interests. 

• Our relationship is strengthened because there is just something that fills your soul when you understand your partner is doing something just because they love you and want to spend time with you. 

• And the biggest bonus, we find that with each passing day, we enjoy each other's company more and more. There are no worries or concerns here about what it will be like when our kids are grown and gone. Instead, we are always dreaming of all of the things we want to do as we grow old together. 

Because we have spent the last couple of decades practicing the art of serving each other, I was able to have the same smile on my face at the end of our golf day together as I did when we started.

He was smiling because he lived out a dream and got to share it with his favorite person.

I was smiling because I had a front row seat to his enthusiasm and knew some good Mexican food was on the horizon.

(He thanked me repeatedly for joining him that day and asked me to choose what I wanted for dinner because I was such a trooper. That's what love does.)

So, ask me again how I can survive a full day of something is that is just not my jam...

It's not all about me and I'm really okay with that.