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Wednesday, April 25, 2018

French Music, Rainy Days, and a Goose.


 
Such a great pic right? 

I wish I had taken it. 

I had actually taken four different pictures of one pretty cranky goose that day.

A couple of days after our visit to the marina, my nifty Google photos app alerted me to some new activity. Apparently, that kind of creepy digital "assistant" of mine turned my four pics into this really cool panoramic image and left me wishing this was really what I had captured that day. 

Sad to say, this actually happens to me quite a bit: not the digital assistant pics, but the deflated expectations. Boo. 

To say I have a vivid imagination would be a massive understatement. 

When I concoct a plan, I can see, hear, and smell EVERYTHING about the experience I hope to have before we ever arrive. The problem with this is that I get uber excited in the wait and if reality does not match what my imagination has conjured I end up rather disappointed. 

And that's kind of the direction our dates went for this month. 

April was my month for date planning. Our "cheap" date was going to be a jaunt around an incredible farmer's/craft market and our "big" date was to be golf with a phenomenal dinner afterward...and Jason was going to super impressed and in awe of my all of my amazing plans. 

It kind of happened that way and it kind of didn't. 

Don't get me wrong. Both dates turned out to be all around "good days", but the cheap one did not happen due to schedule conflicts and instead became a coffee date and the golf date, well...

Let's just say that although the weather was great and the course was beautiful, maybe the hubs did not have his best golf game and was feeling a little frustrated.

Maybe. 


We're lucky that ball didn't roll right off of that retaining wall and take him with it...


And maybe the marina we went to was absolutely gorgeous and maybe we will try another restaurant next time. 


By the end of the date, I was feeling pretty deflated and declaring that I will no longer be planning our dates and that he will take charge EVERY month. 

And in his amazing wisdom, he reminded me that being open to adventure sometimes means making room for disappointment and being okay with things not always turning out the way we hoped. 

We have just started this life of intentional adventure. 

We are in the midst of planning our very first real vacation together right now and have a massive list of places we want to go and things we want to see beyond this first trip. 

And if we go into this life without the flexibility to allow for things to not always look the way we imagine, we may not enjoy this very much. 

But, if we remember the goal is to experience new things together, enjoy each other's company and take the right attitude with us we will always have a great time.

Yes, we can have some semblance of what we would like to see and do, but we can't allow our expectations to hold us prisoner and thereby rob us of the experience if things do not always go as planned. 

Honestly, I had a tough time even knowing where to start with this blog this week. But, upon reflecting on J's great advice, I decided to reframe my approach. So, I sat down, stared out at the rain for a bit, turned on some great French music and decided to lay down my expectations of what I thought it should be in lieu of just sharing my own experience with you and I'm kind of happy about it.

"Trade your expectation for appreciation and the world changes for you."
~Anthony Robbins


Wednesday, April 18, 2018

What's the Purpose?


That is a good looking group right there....a good looking group with a ton of purpose.

Friday night, we were invited to attend a fundraiser for a pair of ministries that were introduced to us roughly a year ago. What you see here is a group of individuals who are involved in one or both of those ministries on some level. 

Our relationship with The Significant Marriage began when the Chapmans (second from the right) gifted us with an opportunity to attend a weekend workshop that changed the way we approach our marriage. 

For the first time in our 20 years of marriage, we walked away from a marriage seminar that not only provided good teaching but also gave us a toolkit of resources that we have been able to revisit over and over again.

It is because of that seminar that you are reading this blog today.

Dave and Mary Gothi's (the man with the awesome red shoes on the left and the blonde with the braid on the right) vision for this seminar is to provide couples with the resources they need to align themselves together and discover their God-given purpose as a couple and thereby strengthen their marriages and families. 

This "keep your eye on the prize" approach takes couples from being reactive in their lives and marriages to being proactive.

In that one short weekend together, J and I had conversations that we have not had in our 20 plus years as a couple. We learned to ask questions we have never asked and put words to our hopes and dreams in a way that we have not done before. As the weekend concluded, we were given the opportunity to take all of those conversations and answers and formulate them into a workable plan with goals and action steps.

This plan and approach have completely redefined the way we interact and tackle challenges in our marriage. 

And...it has given birth to some pretty amazing changes in our lives.

Married Twice and Living Life was not on our radar at all a year ago, but a dream to travel was. 

Having a blog, Instagram account, and Facebook page for this thing we are doing was not something we ever dreamed about, but boosting my writing skills was. 

Sharing our story in such a public manner was not something we really ever considered, but helping others avoid divorce and find hope after devastation has been near to our hearts for years.

Through identifying our dreams and attaching them to goals, we have seen the evolution of an idea that has helped us identify our purpose as a couple:

To show that there is hope for broken marriages and that no matter what your past is or where you are in life, you can still dream and live a life full of joy and purpose. 

Our heart is to use our story to put the goodness and faithfulness of God on display, to show that forgiveness and healing are possible, and to show that it is never too late to start really living life. 

And...we might not know any of this had it not been for what The Significant Marriage offered.

So, almost a year later, we spent a couple hours in a coffee shop on Saturday and took the first steps in booking and planning our very first real vacation together in almost 21 years of marriage. 


TSM taught us how to put feet to our dreams and we will celebrate our anniversary together this year kayaking, canoeing, or whitewater rafting in Colorado (we're still debating, I mean discussing those options).  

But even better than the trip, we learned how to identify our purpose as a couple.

We now know that we have so much more to do in life than work, pay the bills, raise our kids and grow old. We have a responsibility to use our story and our dreams to bring hope to those who wonder if it is even possible and living out this purpose has brought more joy and direction and unity into our lives than we have had in years. 


The best advice we can give to you is to find your purpose as a couple no matter what stage of life you are in. Doing so unites you in a way that is unmatched and changes the way you approach every other facet of marriage.



To learn more about the Gothi's and The Significant Marriage visit http://www.thesignificantmarriage.com/.

And....

To learn more about Sunshine Kids International visit http://www.sunshinekidsintl.com/

(And...SKI is why India has been added to our travel plan for the future). 







Thursday, April 12, 2018

Who You Spend Time With Matters


I had no idea these beauties existed somewhere on this earth...like none. They look like something from a sci-fi movie and up close and in person, they are truly exquisite. This is pure color, no filters, and I am just astounded by them. 

And...I knew their name for like a millisecond because of my sweet friend who so graciously responded when I asked her for the millionth time, "Ooooooohhhh, what's this?"

In fact, that was our exchange the majority of the time we were in the wholesaler's market. Everywhere I turned I saw colors and textures I did not know existed in the world of flowers and felt like I did as a kid the very first time I went to Sea World.

We all have our things okay?

Everything about my outing with her that day was an adventure...including navigating the warehouse district in downtown Dallas while completely lost. All while our husbands spent time together taking on the world with their laser focused, single-minded, let's forge ahead brains. 

Every time we leave their presence we take some kind of new knowledge with us. They are always teaching without even realizing it. 

And at the end of the day, Jason and I drove home with full hearts knowing we are better people because of them.


And then there was Saturday night when we sat through an amazing class taught by our even more amazing friend on one of our favorite subjects: using our strengths in marriage. 

The class was insightful and full of activities that challenged us to identify and acknowledge what the other does well and be vulnerable with each other about our needs. 

Finishing off the evening with dinner with her and her husband was a huge added bonus. We couldn't have asked for better conversation that challenged us and spurred us on to do more and be more. The way they view people and relationships is inspiring and sets a model that we want to emulate in our own lives.

When we finally settled in that night,  J and I decided we are incredibly blessed by the people we get to do life with and knew without a shadow of a doubt they make us better people.

 

And then the other night I was a good hour into my evening hike when I remembered a picture of myself I had seen earlier that day. Although I am laughing and smiling (I was with my sister...we do that a lot together), I was actually a very insecure and anxious person with a lot of broken pieces. 

Reflecting on that picture and comparing the woman I used to be to who I am now,  just blew me away. Two years ago, I could not have imagined knocking out 5-mile evening hikes ALL BY MYSELF on the regular or hitting spin classes as many times a week as I can get them in. 

I am not the same person. Actually, we are not the same people. 

And again, God used people to help fuel those changes. A good portion of the hike was spent thinking about our friends Dy Ann and Michael who led J and me to this lifestyle that changed our health for the better. Because of our relationship with them, I am 60 pounds lighter and Jason and I both are the healthiest we have ever been. 

During the rest of my hike, I reflected on this past year and all the ways we are better people because God brought them into our lives. 

Three different couples, three super impactful friendships that are actively shaping our daily choices and leading us down a road we could not have imagined just two short years ago. 

We have been so very blessed to have the Lord surround us with amazing people throughout our lives during various seasons. We have been challenged, loved on, led and carried sometimes, but the key has been to let them in. 

What we learn from our friends is priceless. God uses them and their unique gifts and abilities to teach us and grow the qualities in us He wants to use to complete his purpose. And...hopefully, they get something in return. 

We sure do love them all.

"Who you spend time with is who you become. If you want to master your life, it is important that you surround yourself with people who inspire you to achieve greatness."
~Stefan James

Being intentional about your marriage is not limited to scheduling date nights and good communication. Who you choose to surround yourself with can either strengthen or weaken your relationship as a couple. 

Be mindful of those who have influence in your lives, you will be amazed at how God can use them to make you a better version of YOU. 

Wednesday, April 4, 2018

Everything is the Best.




This morning's hike had me like....sighhhhhhh.

I froze when I turned the corner and saw this view in front of me. It was the perfect mixture of the last remnants of winter and the new life of spring smothered in exquisite morning light. 

I literally caught myself saying, "Morning light is just the best."

And then I remembered a fabulous sunset picture I caught two weeks ago when I said the exact same thing about evening light. And my mind went spiraling down the list of contradictory bests I espouse during different seasons and times of the year. 

Spring is my favorite until Autumn. Rainy, cold weather gets me going, but then I get desperate for warm and sunny patio weather and that's only until I am ready for a snowfall (yes, I know, it's Texas and those are like unicorns here). 

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, but so is Easter, then, of course, there is Christmas and I really do love Memorial Day. 

The list goes on and on of all my favorites and how they completely contradict each other. 

But then, like He always does, the Holy Spirit interrupted this fascinating dialogue I was having with myself about what a what a complete mess I am. This conversation may have been occurring out loud in the middle of the woods...or maybe not.

You know, it's whatever. 

I guess before I could really go down that hole all by myself He decided to set the record straight and interjected with:

"Well, if I created it all, then Everything is the Best."

Touche´.

And that was that. I can call everything the best because I believe He created it and if He looked at creation at the end of the 6th day and declared it all good, then well, I guess it really is.

We are the ones who assign preferences and favorites that are so often tied to memories and experiences, not Him. 

In Ecclesiastes, we are reminded that there is a time and a season for everything and that He has made everything beautiful in its time. 

If that is true, then I am golden...and not officially crazy. 

So this past weekend, Everything was the Best.

The surprise getaway with my love (who won date month by the way) that included all the coffee, a little shopping, a little cappuccino from a revisit to Edith's, some chill time with The Office...and more coffee.



There was also more laughing than should probably be allowed as we realized two things: 

1) We are absolutely not hip enough to pull off the new trends in jeans we found in one of the stores in Dallas.


(Yes, they are actually made inside out...on purpose) 

and 

2) We are too old to learn how to take a perfect selfie.


This was one of literally over 40 (we learned that there was a burst option on our phones...who knew and how do you turn it off???). 

So, yeah the 24 hours spent alone together was the best. 

Until Saturday, when we met the boys for a movie, church, and then dinner. These outings include our oldest being hit on by every cute waitress that comes our way and enduring dinner topics that include "So, who would you say fits the Holy Trinity of Business Moguls?" 


Yes, this was a real question posed by the oldest and quickly answered by the youngest. They then spent the next fifteen minutes debating the qualifications, validating their suggestions and settled on Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, and Bill Gates (but he barely made the cut). 

Jason and I don't really participate in our boys' constant convos about politics, economics, and other such topics unless a bit of parental guidance is needed (i.e.: Remember guys, be nice. Act like people who really love Jesus, okay?).

Every day, we are utterly amazed at the brilliance these boys exhibit and wonder how and why God gave us children that are so much smarter than we are.

Then that was the best. 

Until Sunday....Didn't I mention Easter is my favorite? 

I LOVE EASTER. 

I love all it represents. I love the feeling of peace and victory that beautifully intertwine and fill the atmosphere on Easter Sunday Morning. I love the uncontainable joy that wakes me in the morning and the feeling of rebirth that surrounds the day.

And on this Easter morning when we woke up a little late, it was cloudy, damp, and cold, and someone I love with a beard woke up in a funk, I had to fight to remember it was EASTER and it is my FAVORITE.

It helped when we arrived at my parents and these cuties celebrating their first full year of marriage were there....


Yes, in matching shirts. Yes, it was April Fool's Day too. No, they weren't being ironic.

They celebrated one year of a miraculous marriage on the day we celebrated the Resurrection and that's kind of amazing.

The day was filled with laughter, my whole family together, baby chickens, target practice (on hay bales, not chickens), long awaited for grilled ribs, and lots and lots of pictures. 


And in amongst all of these things, even though the sun never came out and it never warmed up and my favorite bearded guy struggled to feel his best, it was a pretty good day.

No, it wasn't what I was hoping for...my heart is so tied to J's that I physically hurt when he is having a rough day, but if God created it all and said everything is beautiful in its time, then I guess it was the best too. 

Adventures are kind of funny that way, no two are really the same. Some have all positive experiences, some have a mix, and even some have none, but if there is a season for everything and the Creator's stamp of approval is on it, then it can all be the best...

And we don't have to pick a favorite.