Marriage on a Budget: How We Turned Our Challenges Into a GREAT Dating Life

We have a ton of fun together, but it is definitely something we had to learn to do. When you start dating in high school and get married and have babies in college, you learn to live on a budget. Unfortunately, financial struggle was something we dealt with for many, many years so we had only two choices:

1. Wallow in self-pity and never enjoy life

or

2. Get creative with how to entertain ourselves within a very tight budget.

To be honest, we did a bit of both.

Option one only led to a whole bunch of heartache and played its own part in our divorce and option two opened the doors to what we are doing today.

With almost thirty years of relationship experience under our belts (yes, we were babies when we started dating), we want nothing more than to share some of the great things we have learned over the years with others. Our hope is that we can inspire those around us to take on their marriage from a proactive stance and avoid much of the drama we dealt with.

This little project of changing our approach to great dates has become a passion of ours over the years. It met our relationship needs by giving us ways to spend time together outside of the house but also takes away the financial pressure that maintaining a dating life sometimes puts on a marriage.

So, without further ado, we present our tips to great dates on a budget (the Married Twice & Living Life version)...

Tip 1: Keep it simple.

Oh my goodness, how much stress we put on ourselves when we overcomplicate what should never be overcomplicated. Dating in marriage is just about staying connected and taking care of each other. I (Kara) am the world's worst as setting super duper high expectations and then letting my little heart be smashed to pieces when everything doesn't fall into place. That is just no fun for anyone and completely goes against the entire point of going on dates.

Look for something to do that can be a "one stop shop" and will give you ample time to spend together.

In our world, this looks like places that will allow us entry for a minimal amount and let us stay for hours.

This is part of the how and why we took up hiking! We got a chance to explore and get a workout in on the cheap. Look for local parks and lakes, fill your backpack with some water and snacks and go explore! 

Tip 2: Get creative and be adventurous.

Think outside of the box. We often limit ourselves to only going places or doing things we have done before or those things we think we like. Being willing to try something or someplace new gives you a shared first-time experience and you just may discover something new about yourselves as individuals and as a couple.

On one of our Saturday morning walks, we stumbled across a local farmers market and fell in love! We discovered the fun in exploring the various booths and meeting the people who are so passionate about their food and craft. Now we have added this to our list of fun things to do and seek out different markets to visit. Yes, it can be expensive if you go without a plan, so we don't. We discuss what we are in search of, if anything at all, ahead of time and just go to sightsee and people-watch if need be.

Tip 3: Be flexible.

We don't both LOVE all of our dates. But, we love being together and we enjoy doing something that makes our partner happy. I'm not a fan of golf, but I will happily drive the cart and let my guy do something he loves.

And on the other side of the spectrum is my love for museums and botanical gardens. Most local museums have free admission (aside from their special attractions) so as long as you are willing to open your heart and mind to activities that challenge the mind, you are golden for a cheap date! Art museums were not always J's favorite until he realized they were an inexpensive way to make me happy and with time, he grew to love them as well.

Tip 4: Have a backup plan.

Plan A does not always work out, so it's great to keep an idea in your hip pocket to pull out just in case it is necessary. Many of our dates include outdoor activities and sometimes we have to bend to the whims of the weather. That usually means we take it indoors.

As a result, we have taken our penchant for coffee and have turned finding amazing coffee houses into a hobby. They work great as an indoor option and for the price of a cup we can go in and visit for as long as we like. Often they are THE prime place we like to go for our "planning" dates. We find a great spot, spread our laptops, planners, and notebooks out and get to work. Recently our coffee shop game got a shot of inspiration as we watched a couple enjoy themselves with a deck of cards. You can bet we'll be taking a round of Spite and Malice to one of our favorite spots soon!

Here's the deal, one of your best friends as a couple on a budget will be the internet! We google everything, make sure to keep an eye on Groupon for great deals, follow our local classical music radio station that keeps us up to date on area events, follow local city pages on Facebook for free city events and always, always, always keep open hearts and open minds to new ideas.

While we are no longer the same two people we used to be, we still purpose to find ways to date on a budget not because we need to, but because we want to.

We intentionally challenge each other each month to plan at least one date based around these parameters because we have found the beauty in simplicity. There is something magical that happens when we make our dates about us and not about what we are spending to make it happen. It opens a door to creativity and reminds us it is about our time together, not outdoing each other.

Whatever you do, just make sure you make dating a priority. Be proactive and intentional about your marriage no matter what your financial circumstances are. When you purpose to take care of your marriage, God will always show up and bless your efforts, you can count on it. 

When Vacation Imitates LIFE.

I love us. I really, really do.

I love who God has made us as individuals and as a couple. We are total opposites who balance each other perfectly and yet, somehow, we are sometimes so in sync we often say the exact same thing at the exact same time. 

It's really kind of cool and a little weird. 

This is probably partially attributable to our years of marriage, but even more so it may have something to do with our "couple personality", something that has been carefully crafted and curated over the past twenty years by the hands of an awesome God. 

And..it was something I never truly realized, or even really appreciated until just last week. 

Last week; the week we took a trip of a lifetime. 

There were soooooo many expectations wrapped up into this trip; this thing that had become its own living being. So when we received the call just a mere eight hours in from our kids that they lost power at home, the first cloud appeared in my sky full of rainbows and unicorns. 

Because J is who he is, I was not allowed to panic or make the rash decision to turn around and go home to save the day. Instead, we stayed in close contact with the boys and the electric company, (THANK YOU MODERN TECHNOLOGY), a backup plan was concocted and by nine pm the power returned and all was well.

And I, well, we spent the night sitting on the back porch of our cabin watching the sunset over THIS. 

And all was even better with the world than I could have hoped for.

The next morning that same view looked a bit more like this.  

The clouds with a bit of golden-pink morning sun coming through over the canyon matched the beauty and solemnity of the message we received that J's sweet grandmother had passed. 

In that breathtaking setting, we had the opportunity to sit, reflect, and pray for a bit before we packed up and headed out to Colorado. The word bittersweet had never described anything so perfectly before.

The drive on Monday was pretty uneventful aside from the awe-inspiring views and an hour excursion to Royal Gorge.

AMAZING, by the way.

But we were greeted with yet another surprise before we would make it to our final destination. 

In retrospect, I wonder if we should have taken the awesome sounds of thunder rolling through the mountain tops as more of a warning than just novelty while we ate our lunch outside that afternoon.

Hmmm...

Anyway, have you ever driven into a cloud? 

Not under one, but legitimately into one?

This scene eerily formed before us the further we drove up into the mountains and this backcountry novice had never seen mountain peaks enveloped in clouds at eye level before. 

How incredible!

That was until we continued up the road ahead where suddenly the clouds met the ground in front of us and we started to hear the incessant pinging of hail.

Within a matter of seconds, black gave way to gray and white surrounding us on all sides. 

No, it's NOT snow. It's hail. A whole lot of it.

Terror took over as we continued to climb the mountain with no place to pull over for miles and our car took the beating of a lifetime. Both of us took to praying fervently, begging God to keep us safe and keep our windows intact. 

Both prayers were answered and we were finally able to breathe a sigh of relief when the hail let up. 

Eventually, the rain subsided, clouds parted and that part of Colorado looked as if it had received a fresh summertime snow.

The remaining hour and a half drive was filled with gratitude that we had come through virtually unscathed (our poor car, not so much), excitement that we were nearing our destination, and quite honestly, growing concerns within my own heart as to whether or not we had made a good decision by following through with our trip.

By the time we reached our hotel room, the adrenaline had worn off, exhaustion set in, and my mind was reeling with doubt.

But God. 

I entered into a text exchange with a friend, shared the struggles of the past twenty-four hours and asked her to pray for peace and clarity. 

Just a short while later, we were unpacked and heading out to dinner...

and greeted with this:

You may believe this is coincidence, but for me, it was a clear sign that God was listening and that we were on the right track. The rest of our trip would be peaceful and all would be well.

And it was.

The next morning, coffee with this view was unbeatable and was the perfect setting to spend some time reflecting and asking God a few questions.

And I as I wondered why in the world the start of our trip had been anything but easy, He quickly reminded me of this truth:

This experience was a true reflection of our marriage. 

Jason and I have a wonderful marriage but it has never been easy. We have faced obstacle after obstacle; some due to our own ignorance and/or poor decisions and some due to just life. 

It wasn't until someone recently pointed it out to us that we even gave our history any real consideration.

We've just done life and sometimes its been hard and sometimes its been amazing, and sometimes...its been both at the same exact time!

What immediately came to mind when that revelation dawned upon me is that together God has created us as a team that does not back down or gives up when something out of the ordinary occurs.

We may have to re-route, we may have to slow down a bit, we may have to adjust plans, but we never stop growing, we never stop thinking forward. 

It was our "life" training that prepared us for this trip, not all of the hikes and planning and purchasing of equipment and gear. 

It was overcoming a divorce and learning how to forgive. It was living through the loss of Jason's sister and making the conscious decision to really LIVE our lives despite the pain and fallout that occurred.  It was learning how to trust and rest when were threatened with losing our home and cars just a couple of years ago. 

We have had a lifetime of marriage to prepare for a series of events that could have given us pause or reason to not move ahead with our very first, real trip together. 

And so I sit here and confidently type out these words knowing that each part of our trip, whether it was wonderful or awful, was a gift. 

We've had twenty-one years of training to teach us that everything in life can reveal something wonderful if we let it. It can show us a new truth, it can highlight the good if we choose to look for it, it can change us in a way that makes us better. 

Your response to life's surprises, whether good or bad, is totally up to you. 

We chose to move forward, we chose to push through, and true to form, God was right there with arms open wide reminding us that He was always there comforting us, protecting us, and cheering us on. 

We have spent the past two years praying for a life of adventure and we have received exactly what we asked for.

"And when you ask God for a life of adventure, you quickly realize you have to learn how to navigate the hard and celebrate the awesome all in the same breath sometimes." -kd