I'm a fierce protector of this man right here.
In word and spirit anyway.
He's the one who is always on guard and ready to jump in front of a moving train or run into a burning building for the rest of us, but I always have his back.
Even when there are times I'm not 100 percent sure of what I am protecting.
Honestly, isn't that the way it should be?
I feel like there are countless people out there who would say yes with their lips, but their actions would betray them.
It's easy to sing your love's praises when you are happy and everything is all roses, but what does it look like when things aren't at their best?
J and I have a few standard rules we have adopted over the years that just make all the difference in the world and keep us in a place of complete trust with each other.
1. We keep our circle tight.
We have bad days like anyone else. Days we just don't jive or agree on topics and all-out ugly fights sometimes. When those days come, and occasionally they do, we have a very short list of who we go to for advice or even to just "vent" (and I use that term super loosely). "Our people" aren't people who will commiserate with us and they love us enough to redirect us if our time with them turns into a complaint session. They are those who hold the same values and beliefs as we do so that we know any advice they offer will line up with who we really are and not how they view the world. For both of us, the rule is God first, and trusted friends next.
Oh, and by the way, those friends are never the opposite sex. Some call it prudish, we call it smart. And there are no exceptions.
Ever.
Ever.
2. We guard our tongues.
Having each other's backs has a whole lot to do with wielding our words very carefully. Whether it is to each other during intense discussion or even to our close friends in a time of need, we are very intentional about the words we choose. And those times we choose to let our emotions get the best of us and allow words that pierce escape, we are quick to apologize and ask for forgiveness.
We live in a world that is so blindingly unaware of the power of words. The Bible goes as far as saying that the power of life and death are in the tongue and even warns that those who love it will eat the fruit it produces.
We can throw all kinds of old adages out there like you reap what you sow and a sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me and any other quip you can think of, but the truth is that words are the most powerful weapons we have been given to wield and if not used correctly, and with the right intention, they can do irreparable damage.
What this looks like for us can range from being mindful of the words we use when in the midst of a heated discussion, when we are in need advice from a friend about our marriage, and even down to the way we talk about each other in groups.
3. We never put each other down, especially in group settings.
This qualifier "especially in group settings" matters! J and I love gathering with our friends! We look forward to our bi-monthly life group meetings, going to dinner with our people and gathering with our family.
In those settings, you can absolutely bet that my jokester of a husband is going to loosen up and make some comments. Many of them are at my expense and border on the line of inappropriate at times, but they never insult.
There will always be light-hearted teasing, but under no conditions do we ever open up an opportunity to make the other look bad in front of others. If anything, we actually do the opposite and seek opportunities
to highlight the things we adore about each other to our friends.
4. We make each other first and let the whole world know it!
He is always my first priority. Yes, even before our kids. It is routine for me to say the phrase "let me check with Jason first" when it comes to making decisions around here.
And, he does the same for me.
We are each other's advisors, best friends, confidants, and fiercest protectors.
Don't get us wrong, we love, love, love all the people God has entrusted us with. But, we also know that we made an oath that we would see this life all the way to the end with each other and we attack every single day of our lives with that promise at the forefront.
We may have gotten it wrong the first time around, but we are seeing it through this time.
Here's the thing, we learned a lot from our marriage, divorce, remarriage situation: a strong marriage is a choice. It doesn't happen overnight and it doesn't happen without sacrifice and intention.
If you have some concept of what your ideal marriage looks like, yet you are far away from it, maybe it's time to do some serious introspection.
Take your eyes off of all of the things you feel your partner is doing wrong and take a long look in the mirror.
Can you honestly say that you are doing all that you can to help build trust in your marriage? Can your partner say that you have their back?
If there is an area where you see that you can make some changes, swallow your pride and just do it. Take some time, talk with your spouse and lay some ground rules for what will work for you.
And then go celebrate.
