We never saw ourselves as money-obsessed; in our minds, that was something only "rich" people could be. Not us. Never us.
You can't be obsessed with something you don't have, right?
Truthfully, we have struggled financially for the majority of our adult lives, and truth be told we both came from homes that tended to struggle as well. So when a preacher would get up on stage and warn about serving the god of mammon, we just often disregarded what we were hearing, thinking he just had to be talking to all those people out there throwing their money away on designer handbags and luxury cars.
Such an awesome attitude. Am I right?
Despite our faulty reasoning and complete and total ignorance, money completely ruled our lives. Ummm, better yet, the lack of it totally ruled our lives. In fact, it was a constant topic and central theme of most of our arguments throughout at least 20 years of our marriage.
We made almost every major, minor, and in between decision based on how much we did or did not have or what we did or did not expect to come our way. We found ourselves constantly chasing job changes, home changes and overall lifestyle changes based on how much money we were making and how much our bills cost. This led to us becoming grade-A experts in the art of moving and starting new jobs. We were in a never-ending cycle trying desperately to ease the burden and loosen the bondage that gripped our lives.
And then two years ago we took a leap of faith based on potential income and that potential totally disappeared. For the first year, we found ourselves flying through the air and sometimes gliding dangerously close to the ground, waiting for money to fix our problem.
But God. He had a different plan in mind.
In the book of Acts, Peter and John are on their way to the temple when they pass by a paralytic man who daily was placed a the gate by family members so that he could beg for money.
Because of his unfortunate circumstances, he was unable to work in the traditional sense, so this was his contribution as well as the solution to his problems. Each day, he waited for finances to come his way and in the process, got stuck in a routine of believing this was his decisive answer, his ultimate provision from God. It had become so route, so expected, that when Peter and John approached him that day, he anticipated the very same response from them. However, this pair wasn't ready to give what he was expecting, that thing he thought he needed. They were ready to offer him more.
Can you imagine the disappointment that crept in when Peter said, "I want to give you something, but I do not have silver or gold"? That flash feeling of discouragement that swept over him when he heard those words. Another letdown on top of all of the challenges his already difficult life presented. Then the confusion that followed with Peter's next words: "Here is what I can offer you: stand up and walk in the name of Jesus of Nazareth."
Peter wanted him to do what? Didn't he know that he had to be carried there every day? Couldn't they see that walking was not an option for him? And, how did walking pay the bills anyway? He had never known any other kind of life. Could he even open his mind to what that would look like?
Peter reached out and grabbed the man's hand, nonetheless, and began to pull him to his feet and as he did, his ankles found strength and he was healed.
HE WAS HEALED.
This story is such a beautiful picture of what we often face in life, of what Jason and I did face in life. We have a struggle or a difficulty of some sort and just come to accept it as is and find ourselves believing in a substitute as the final answer to our problems. While that substitute can easily be seen as a blessing, and no doubt is sometimes even a gift from the Almighty Himself, it often becomes our focus and we lose sight of what God really wants for us.
That has been our story for the whole of our married lives...up until the last year or so anyway.
Money was always our answer, our solution to everything, just like it was for this paralyzed man. Unfortunately, as you and I both know, it is only a temporary fix until you need more and as such, it is never, ever enough. What we didn't realize when we took this divine leap, was that God did not have the same plan as we did. We had dreams of a thriving home business and/or new, successful careers for the both of us as the answer to our lifetime of struggle. What we have actually learned is that He never planned on giving us silver or gold...
His plan was healing.
With healing, the beggar is able to now work for himself instead of being dependent upon others. With healing, he is able to participate and celebrate as his friends and family do. With healing, he is able to really live, just the way Jesus intended for him too.
Real healing is so much more than a temporary fix to our current problems. Real healing is a permanent fix to everything. It's part of that whole abundant life thing that Jesus so desperately wants to give us.
So when God didn't show up with silver or gold, or big raises, or new jobs, or cheaper bills, but offered instead to change our whole outlook on money and what, or better yet, Who our real provider his, He was offering healing. Instead, He taught us to trust that He would always show up in time and that we would never go without. He taught us to reframe the way we look at finances and ourselves. He reminded us not what, but Who our source is and in the process turned our world totally upside down.
Like Peter, instead of just standing there using his words, he reached out with that great, big, capable hand and began to pull us to our feet. For awhile we stood there, holding onto his hand and feeling our feet and ankles begin to strengthen. It was, and often still is, the scariest and most freeing thing we have ever experienced. We are no longer laying on our mat waiting for provision to come, we've been given the gift of standing firm in the foundation of what God is offering us. And now we are being charged to run headlong into the future He has carved out for us.
Paul summed it up best when explaining it to the people who witnessed the miracle that day:
"So that's how this miracle happened: we have faith in the name of Jesus, and He is the power that made this man strong--this man who is known to all of you. It is faith in Jesus that has given this man his complete health here today, in front of all of you." Acts 3:16, The Voice
Faith in Jesus; something we thought we had, but we never really challenged it. Certainly, we had faith in Jesus to keep sending the right job or cheaper bills. What we actually did was have faith in the substitute, and when it would fail, we were always crushed. Through this journey, He challenged us to have real faith in Him so that we could see an authentic miracle happen.
Another new job, cutting our bills even more, or moving to a cheaper home yet again is no longer a good enough answer. We could no longer wait for another handout while sitting on our mats.
We needed healing and we needed Jesus to do it, and in His great providence, He has chosen to lead us on a path that has given us just that.
